Carrmumble

Sweet Hearts

2012-02-14T19:43:00.000-06:00

I love holidays.

Really.

Any holiday makes me happy.

Valentines Day is no exception.

Wyatt spent the last week convincing us that he was having his birthday party, not a valentines party.

He had a blast celebrating at school.

sweet friends with a load of candy

Miles worked hard on his valentines box. And with a little help from dad, his dream box came to life. He did admit after school though that the classmates liked the box so much that it was a little bit of a distraction.

i eat valentines

Our sweet Ella received flowers at school. The school orchestra had a fundraiser selling carnations for $2 each and you could send them to friends. I can only imagine how proud she felt as walked through the junior high halls holding those flowers.

smartest fundraiser ever

And I am sure that it was even more of a valentines thrill when she received a flower from 'anonymous'.

~~stalker~~ admirer

Sam's girlfriend gave him chocolates.

yum

And for dinner I picked out their favorite drinks and bought them each a small box of chocolates.

cheers

waialua

cream soda

green tea

We all had a nice time eating our yummy chocolates while watching Glee.

xoxo

sun shine

all star

sweetie pie

number 1

All in all - it was a great family evening.

And I am so glad we were able to sit and be all together before I hit the road to Manvel again tomorrow.

Without even knowing, these people give me strength.

Which is the very best valentine gift ever.

all my valentines

In My Head

2012-02-13T15:59:00.000-06:00

It has been a great start to the new year.

It has been a tough start to the new year.

My dad has not been home since the beginning of January.

He is pretty sick.

I think he is most likely coming to the end of his 82+ years.

I have been trying to help my mom some during the week.

This is so hard for her.

There are times when I can't look at him because he already looks dead.

And that sucks.

My mom found a fantastic Elder Law attorney that is helping her and our family.
It is amazing how smart these folks are.
And even more amazing is the kindness and customer service that they provide.

It is weird to go to the attorney office and sit in the waiting room knowing that we will be called in to sit behind the big table. Me, my brother and my mom on one side - attorney on the other. All three of us holding our breath while we listen to her gently explain what my dad's future might look like. And giving us a glimpse into how my mom might be able live out her next 20+ years.

And then I go back to the home and watch my mom love my dad and try to take care of him. Sometimes he is responsive and other times, the dementia takes over every part of his body and he has no idea who she is. His wife of 50 years. Gone in his mind.

My mom has put pictures all over his room. I wonder what he thinks when he looks at them? Does he know that we love him? Does he feel a connection? Or are we just wall decor?

On good days, he has physical therapy. The folks that work with these patients are truly angels sent down to care for these elderly folks. And even though she still works, my mom is there almost everyday to help him take his baby steps.

I don't know what tomorrow holds.
What I do know is that forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you.
That I can give myself.

And no matter what, we don't throw people away.

I believe in my heart that when the time comes for him to take his last breathe, I will be at peace.
And I will be there with my mom to help her figure out her new life.
And I will come back to my little family and continue to love them every single day.

Red Face

2012-02-01T00:05:00.000-06:00

sweet angel baby

Today's laugh compliments of the boy in the cast...

At the bank yesterday afternoon.
Have Wyatt sitting on counter with my arm resting on his lap.
He says in his loud 3 year old voice
"MOM, YOUR ARM IS ON MY PENIS".
So I move my arm.
He then grabs my face to make me look at him and he says even louder
"IT'S OK - MY PENIS LOVES YOU".

Wow.

Texas Heaven

2012-01-31T16:30:00.002-06:00

Jeff and I had a very rare opportunity to getaway for about 24 hours this past weekend.

sunset at the ranch - there is nothing better

His baby brother turned 40 and we had an impromptu family gathering at our sister-in-law's family ranch.

6 carrs + 1 mule + middle of the night hog hunt = laughter for days

My sweet sister-in-law gave our Chrissy a replica Alvin Yellowjackets jersey that was customized with his name and number.

did you know we have a high school football star in the fam?

We spent a fair amount of time sitting in these chairs solving the world's problems.

worryin is like rockin in a rockin chair...
gives ya somethin to do, but gets ya nowhere.

We enjoyed riding around the ranch and hanging with the locals.

mom, i'm hungry

We had some nice quiet time.

thankful for the rain

I enjoyed spending alone time with this guy. I am so in love it him.

we need one of these to ride around in the neighborhood

Sister-in-law's mom is an amazing artist. This painting is giant and I love it. Someday, I will own it. (or at least a copy)

four in the front, sbw bringing up the rear

Even washing the dishes seems easier when you are on the ranch.

kitchen window view

Sister-in-law's family is so kind to share this with us. To allow us to see and feel a little small piece of their Texas heaven.

where things slow down

And the family, well...it was simply the very best family visit with absolutely no weird family stress. It was so nice to have a small amount of time for the adults to connect. Grown-up talk. Imagine that. Just to be together and enjoy each other. It was good. So so good.

strong enough to bend

And I gotta say, I am so thankful for my three friends that let the kids hang at the last minute. Mostly especially that three doors down gal that had the three youngest kids, including the crazy broken legged three year old. She is my hero and I owe her a million trillon times over.

monkeys kept in cage for 24 hours

Kerbey Out

2012-01-26T14:05:00.000-06:00

Our family doesn't go out to eat very often. (not to be confused with driving thru)

opened in 1986

When we do eat out, we have a few restaurant that we always go to that are located right here in the hood.

gone are the days of coloring the kid's menu

We often find ourselves at Kerbey Lane Cafe with big fat bowl of Kerbey queso sitting on the table.

dear kerbey, bigger bowl of queso please

We were all sad to hear that our Kerbey would be closing.

please don't get rid of your jumbo booths

We were glad to hear that it would be opening in a new larger location just down the street.

and we trust you will relocate the fish

So we made our final family trip to our beloved Kerbey South.

crazy carr kids

I hope the new Kerbey isn't going all fancypants on us. We feel right at home at the old location with it's 12 layers of paint on the walls and weird ladies room. Even if it is a little nicer, we will still eat there because the food is yum, the staff is kind and there is always an eclectic mix of folks that makes for an awesome free show of the human race.

And if you are like me, you probably think it is just plain WEIRD to drive down South Lamar and not see this sign glowing.

dark

Wonder how many late night partiers will be dazed and confused when they pull up for their 2am meal after a fun night on the town?

To Text or Not To Text

2012-01-25T02:29:00.001-06:00

It's 9 o'clock...

...do you know who your kids are texting?

This text exchange is between me and a kid I've never met.

I received the text out of the blue.

I replied because I thought it must be a friend playing a joke.

Turns out, it is one of Ella's classmates.

He got my number from the school directory.

He thought he was texting Ella.

I have never met this kid.

He doesn't know me from Adam.

Ella didn't know who it was and did not have the number in her phone. (i checked)

I was also texting my girlfriends (including three police officers) to make sure I was handling this the right way.

When I asked him if he knew where I lived, he gave me the address to his house.

TO HIS HOUSE!!!!!

To be honest, the first message I received kind of cracked me up.

I even texted my girlfriends to help me come up with witty replies.

Then it kind of spooked me.

What if it was real?

What if he really did hang some guts from the ceiling?!?!?!

And the first message about the guts and body were intended for Ella.

Would she have laughed and replied - even though it came from a stranger?

Or would she have been worried?

Did this kid think he was gonna make her like him with that weird message?

Ugh.

I am sometimes very afraid of this texting business.

I really enjoy texting and do it a lot.

I am not always sure it is the right thing for our kids.

And we still let them do it.

Are we the only parents that give their kids texting rules?

I read what they write.

I know how to tell if they have deleted messages.

If they were to ever have this type of conversation with an adult, I would just die.

I guess the best we can do is make sure our own kids understand OUR texting rules.

And that we diligently enforce them.

I am not sure what my next step will be.

One of my girlfriends suggested that I contact the school principal or counselor. I also thought about calling his mom.

But the truth is, I just don't think it bothers other people as much as it bothers me.

Ya know, the fact that the 13 year old boy was texting with a 41 year old woman that he has never met.

Gross.

Ewwww.

NOT SAFE!!!!

I just don't even know what to say.

It must be hard to be a teenager with all of this technology at the fingertips.

We've just got to do our best to steer them in the right direction and keep them safe - and allow them to make their own mistakes.

But NO texting with strangers.

PERIOD.

And I can say all of this because you know I am SO perfect.

About Legs and Guts

2012-01-24T14:16:00.000-06:00

Wyatt hurt his leg playing outside.

first x-rays can be kinda scary

He walked around on it for 5 days and only fussed about it when he was tired or still.

my leg hurts, mom

On the 6th day, went to 3 doctors and we both felt tired and scared.

two best buddies and a gun just in case

We went to an orthopaedic doctor.

green is my favorite color

Then I trusted my gut and on the advice of our pediatrician, we went for a second opinion.

best kid bone doctors in town

Turns out that it was the smartest thing I've done in a long time.

taking care of baby steve - serious brownie points

I am thankful that we have a thorough, smart, and loving pediatrician.
I am thankful that I stuck with my gut.
I am thankful that we have the best pediatric orthopaedic.
I am thankful our kid is going to be okay.

best buddies watchin the 'copters

Wyatt has an osteochondroma.
He is is going to be okay.
It might be a long, painful road.
But I know that we can make it.

P.S. This post started off with loads of words and tons of negativity. After days of 'sleeping on it', I've decided the best way to go is to share the positive. As a mom, it is my job to take care of my kid. And sometimes that means I've got to trust my gut. I am thankful for a pediatrician that supported me and was willing to answer the phone and listen every time I called in tears. They got us to the right place, and I feel so much better now.

the way i see things

2012-01-17T11:51:00.001-06:00

Sometimes it seems like I am over stimulated by the things that I see.
I am constantly turning around to go and take a picture.

can you spot the armadillo?

Before I had a reliable cell phone camera, I would drive around with our regular camera always at the ready.

Sometimes I take pictures of things that I see everyday and love. Like this really awesome cactus in the neighborhood.

in real life, it looks like a cactus ball.

Sometimes I take pictures of things that make me laugh. Mostly especially if it is inappropriate junior high humor.

use caution

I love billboards and marquees. There seem to be lots of them in our area.

thank you MLK.

And I take a lot of pictures of things that I can see that don't turn out too great on camera. Like the way it looks like Homer is walking Canela in this picture.

homie and canela

And you know I had to take a picture of this beer bus to send to Thomas. Oh except for the fact that he doesn't get pictures on his phone. Phooey.

follow that beer bus.

I am wondering if it makes me like a crazy cat lady that I have multiple pictures of Homer? Hmmmm....

homie talkin to us

And the traffic. Oh the traffic. I rarely have an opportunity to drive on MOPAC during rush hour. And man-o-man, it is a parking lot.

thankful i don't do this everyday

I am so thankful we live by water. Something about it makes me love our city even more.

in the middle of the city and yet it seems so far away

Sitting in the tax office and getting a kick out of these signs that say 'please be courteous to others and take conversations outside.' Most especially since the tan shirt guy in the top right of the picture is talking very loudly to someone on the phone. It kills me that I don't speak Spanish - sure would have liked to know what he was saying.

no habla espanol. :(

And this is me. After I dumped a tray of 2 reds, 2 whites and 3 champagnes on myself at the UT Chancelor's house. Good thing I still have a job. And for the record, everyone saw the lady bump into me.

smelled like a wino.

This was the beautiful view from one of our living room windows yesterday. Looked like it might snow - even though it was in the 60s. I love spring. I love summer. And even though I don't love the winter, this view was very welcome yesterday.

be still and quiet

So that's some of what I've got on my phone. I always say I am gonna take less pictures of silly things - but why? I kinda like the way I see things. Even if it does mean that I am always driving in circles to get the picture.

About Home

2012-01-05T17:10:00.000-06:00

Whenever we go to visit our families, I say we are going home.

Even though home is here with our kids which is three and a half hours away from home.
Even though home is when all of our friends from home are in our home and the house is full.
Even though home is being at Garner State Park or Pensacola Beach with Jeff and the kids.
Even though home can be a simple ride in the car to the Sonic with my best girls.

Home.

Home has many meanings to me.

I love our home.
I love the feeling of home that comes when we are with our lifelong friends.
I love going home.

Yesterday, we went to a funeral for Mr. Manning, one of the grown-ups from home.

It was sad.

It was beautiful.

It was an excellent remembrance of a life well lived.

I have very fond memories of being a little girl and spending time with the Manning family.

In my child-like memories, they were the closest I'd ever get to meeting movie stars - even though they were regular people. (but I guess that is another blog post)

One of the greatest things about home (besides that my momma is there) are the friends that will always be part of our life.

I was full of pride while sitting in that funeral parlor with two rows of men sitting together in support our friends from home.

Home filled two pews and it felt so good.

I love home.

Out There

2012-01-03T12:55:00.000-06:00

Here it is, January 3rd and I've decided to put my goals in writing. Some folks believe that if you write it down and let other people see it, then you'll be more likely to follow through. I have no idea if that works, because I have never done it. But I guess it doesn't hurt to try, right?

So here goes...

1. Eat dinner at the table with my family 5 days a week.

2. Cook dinner for my family 5 days a week.

3. Walk at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.
4. Call my momma every single day.

5. Finish the things I start.

6. Give, give, give (of heart, of stuff and to community)
7. See Heather at least 5 times - including visiting her house.
8. Spend face time with Christy and Amy monthly. (and HB starting in July)

9. Monthly date night with my husband.

10. Eat lunch with Amanda once per month.
11. Live honestly.

12. Family first. (should have been 1st on list but too lazy to change the numbers.) ha.

13. Spend time with people that lift me up and try to move away from the ones that tear me down.

14. Do my best to let Manvel Girls and Driveway Club know what they mean to me on a regular basis.

15. Ditch the coke. (or not)
16. Hug each person in our house on a daily basis.
17. Be a better friend.
18. Donate blood, meals on wheels, neighborhood watch

19. Ride my bike.

20. Dance (instead of watching)
21. Blog.
22. Smile more and worry less.
23. Score 500 on Fruit Ninja.
24. Fold my husband's socks.
25. Make more of an effort regarding my outward appearance as an example for our kids. (read regular haircuts, regular showers and not so many tshirts!)
26. Less Facebook more face time.
27. Do better with the Facebook happy birthday's. (ha-does that go against 26?)
28. Don't set myself up for failure. (list of 28 resolutions. geez?!?!)

i miss you

2011-11-29T11:40:00.001-06:00

(no bribe needed)

wyatt and i are at home alone.

the kids are at school.

jc is at work.

the house is too quiet.

i am in the laundry room.
he is playing in the living room - which happens to open into the laundry room.

at the top of his voice he is yelling
'MOM!'
'MOM?!?!?!?!'
'MOM!!!!!!!!'

i say - 'yes wyatt'
he says - 'where are you?'

i say - 'the laundry room'

he says - 'i miss you'

he feels the quiet house too.

he is happy to sit and have me hold him until his kids come home.
and i think i will do just that.

ACL Family

2011-09-15T12:37:00.006-05:00

Anyone that knows us, knows that we LOVE the Austin City Limits Music Festival.

I was looking through pictures from past festivals and I am feeling very nostalgic seeing my family grow-up over the festival years. I am so thankful that I always carry a camera to capture what this festival means to our family. (but that's another blog post)

So here it is. A look back at our festival years. (feeling so bummed that I can't find the pictures from 2004. Ugh!)

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

BHC

2011-09-08T22:46:00.003-05:00

The Barton Hills Choir was fortunate enough to sing at the 10th Anniversary Party of Austin City Limits tonight.

It was a load of fun and made for a very long day.
I wish I had a good video of Daydream Believer or Running on Empty.
Both songs in their ACL set.
Both songs on insane loop inside this noggin of mine.

The concert tonite left me wishing that next weekend was here already.
I can't wait.

And I am proud of these kids.
And I am thankful for their director.

I Can Be Alone

2011-09-07T23:17:00.011-05:00

What I know about me is that I LOVE being a friend.

I sometimes have a hard time being able to see my positive attributes.
But what I know is that I value every one of my friends.

I love my friends.

I need my friends.

I don't know what my life would be without my friends.

I can't imagine our kids not seeing us have these relationships. I can't imagine our kids not being surrounded by the love of so many incredible people.

I don't know if our kids will grow up and have lifelong friends like us.

I hope they do.

I am aware of how unique it is that our closest friends are from childhood.

I also know that I am a big girl and I can be alone.

But why would I want to do that?

Life is so much better when shared with a real friend.

I LOVE my friends.

P.S. hours and hours and hours later and i still can't find a picture of me with terry a., denise g., liz c. or wendy g. phooey. drats. bummer. how can it be?!?!?!?! i just can't look anymore - but you friends are always in my heart. (and i might end up taking this post down in the middle of the night, because i am sure it will cause me to fret.)

A bag of pills brings a dose of perspective

2011-08-30T12:54:00.001-05:00

My cousin and her family are missionaries in Africa.
I am proud of her.
I've been carrying this post inside of me for the past few weeks.
I've been chewing on it everyday.
You should read it.
Read it to the end.
Chew on it.
I can't let it go.
I feel that I have to share.

Everyday, I am becoming more aware of the things that are important in life.
Everyday, I am more aware of how fortunate we are.
Everyday, I am thankful for our family, our friends, and the love.
Everyday, I am working to keep things in perspective.
Everyday, I wonder if I am doing enough to make a difference in the world or even in the life of another human being.

August 9, 2011…I couldn’t believe it!
Living in Africa has allowed us to have many new experiences…some good, and some not so good. A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to experience the “not so good.” If you know me, you know that I went to college YEARS ago to become a registered nurse. I believe that God has gifted me with a heart that sees people’s pain and He has given me the desire to try to help those people. I believe in quality care and have often referred to nursing as a career in caring. I recently had the opportunity to see that not all health care providers think the same way. My sweet friend called me a couple of Fridays ago. She was in the hospital, had just delivered twins and said “PLEASE COME!” Of course, I went. When we approached the hospital, we were a little confused about where the entrance was so we asked the men sitting around the flower bed where we should enter. Come to find out, the 8 or so men sitting there were prisoners. Prisoners in Lesotho are dressed in red sweaters and are wrapped with red blankets. This has absolutely nothing to do with my story, but we learned something new. The door that they pointed to was up the ice covered stairs and had a handwritten note taped to it that identified it as the “maternity ward.” We entered the room after calling out the official “koko” that means knock-knock. The women inside responded “kena” which means enter. There were 4 women gathered around a pot belly stove, shoving twigs and paper scraps into the stove, trying to stay warm. These were the mommas. They each had an old time hospital bed and their babies were snuggled under the blankets. No newborn nursery. From the time the baby is born, it is the mother’s responsibility to care for them. My friend was fortunate enough to have a private room. This very small room is actually attached to the nurse’s office/labor room and there was constant traffic down the middle of the room. The patients are responsible for distributing their own medications. The nurses give them a small bag when they are admitted with their meds inside, directions written on the bag. Each mom must wash her own clothes, baby diapers, empty her chamber pot, hang her clothes on the line, get her own water-from the outside long distance tap. My friend had a c-section and still was required to serve herself. The mom brings her own blanket from home, or she doesn’t have one. She also must bring her own bath basin, towel, washcloth, cup, plate, etc. Her meals consisted of dried up beans, cold moroho and a little bit of papa. She provides her own sanitary pads. If she does not have any, she must find an outside visitor to go to the store and buy some, if she has money. If she has no money, she must use whatever she can find that will serve the purpose. In the mountains, many of the women use brush gathered from the side of the mountain. My friend entered the hospital pre-eclamptic and her blood pressure had not been taken since she had delivered. I was introduced to the nurse, who was not too happy to see the white faced American. I was escorted to the hospital administrator’s office, who was very nice by the way. While I was away, my friend was forced to sign a document, that she could not read, saying that if she left the hospital that day, she would not be allowed to return if she developed a problem. The Basotho woman has no rights, no privacy, and my friend received no help. Twins, no family to help, no formula for the crying babies (her milk had not yet come in), no pampering, no nothing.
I thought about the birth of our sons. If we wouldn’t have been in such a progressive hospital with competent and caring nurses and doctors, our sons may not have lived. I had family surrounding me. All my requests were granted..all my needs met. When we arrived home, there were balloons welcoming us. When my friend arrived home the following Monday, her mat was on the floor, her husband away trying to make money, her daughter out of school so that she could stay home to care for the other children. There was no soft bed, no decorated nursery, there was not even any food…other than the corn from the field drying on the outside tarp.
Needless to say, the entire event stressed me out. I had been in a couple of hospitals in Lesotho, all of them run basically the same. I wanted to do something to fix the problem. There was little that I could do. Jimmy reminded me that I could not change the government health care system. I could not demand that my friend be treated fairly…in rural Africa they accept unfairness. What could I do?
Love the momma and pray that the joy of Christ is evident to her as I care for her and her babies. What did I want to do? Smack a few people upside the head…but missionaries probably shouldn’t do that sort of thing.

http://jflora.wordpress.com/teresa-2/

Memory Full

2011-08-14T23:02:00.002-05:00

I can never seem to figure out why my camera memory is always full. ALWAYS FULL!!!

So I start looking through the pictures last night - and I had to laugh because I seriously take a zillion pictures a day. OF EVERYTHING. Everything that I see.

This is a very small recap of the week through my phone camera. Hope you enjoy.

Monday
ACL billboards going up on Barton Springs Road. This is a sign that one of the most wonderful times of the year is coming soon! YIPPEE!!

Tuesday
My favorite neighborhood grocery store has been bought out. I am sad. I am trying to be positive. I keep telling myself it will be okay. I WILL MISS YOU SUN HARVEST.

Wednesday
The old Chevy hits 200,000. Holy cow!

Thursday
Driving through the park in the early morning and saw these dogs going nuts about a squirrel up a light pole. I also loved that the dog owner was sitting kinda far away enjoying the show.

Friday
Snake in our neighbor's pool. Got a huge laugh because our neighbor is a pretty big black guy and he came out in his sexy swim shorts and was 'screaming like a white woman in a horror movie'!!! (his words - not mine)

Saturday
Love cactus art.

Sunday
Awesome 3 year old bed head!

PWT

2011-08-11T11:55:00.004-05:00

Ran into WalMart this morning to get 4 things.
Was headed to the check out when I looked at the contents of the buggy.
At the items I intentionally went in to buy.

Ha.
Made myself laugh.
Out loud.
Cause I'm klassy that way.

BigLittleLittleBig

2011-08-03T11:58:00.003-05:00

I took Sam and Wyatt to the doctor for their wellness visit.
The oldest and the youngest.

I was asked to step out of the room for part of Sam's visit.
That was a first.
I didn't cry. I sure wanted to.
I was trying my hardest to listen through the door.

I can remember like it was yesterday when the big was little.
I can not believe that the little has gotten so big.

The little loves the big so much.
The big loves the little even more.

Grow children grow.
Be happy.
Feel our bond.
Be strong.
Enjoy your journey.
And don't let my tears of pride and joy hold you back.
I just can't help it.

Eyes Wide Open

2011-07-30T18:21:00.000-05:00

Friday afternoon we went to Waco because Miles was scheduled to swim in the Games of Texas - the state swim meet. The week leading up to the meet, he overheard one of his coaches refer to this as the Texas Olympics. It turns out, that was a pretty good description. Athletes came from all over Texas to participate in many events.

Because of Miles needing to be at the pool super early Saturday morning, we chose not to participate in the parade of athletes or any of the game opening ceremonies. As we were driving back from dinner though, we saw the incredible fireworks display over the river. Wow wee!!! These folks do know how to put on a fireworks show! It was a great display that lasted a good amount of time. The kids were thrilled since we haven't seen fireworks in such a long time.

The next morning we saw a beautiful sky. Makes me wonder if we would see this every morning if we were out and driving around at 6:00am. The kids and I just could not get over the colors and the beauty.

Miles and his City of Austin teammates did very well in their medley relay. I first posted that they received 4th place overall, but the final result was 6th. In my book that is still pretty darn fantastic! All of these South Austin boys worked hard and were super proud of their accomplishment.

It is always such a cool feeling to watch your kid do something that you could never do yourself. I had such a feeling of pride watching him have fun and excel.

In less than 24 hours, I saw fireworks light up the Waco sky, a beautiful sunrise and a confident boy swim with all of his heart. I am so glad that I was able to share these things with my family.

I am thankful that I had my eyes wide open.

The Best Laid Plans

2011-07-28T23:30:00.005-05:00

When the big kids help momma during the week, we take them to Manvel and drop them off on Sunday and then head down to pick them up on Thursday.

I learned a few weeks ago that it is too hard this summer to make the trip to momma's house and back in one day. It becomes 7+ hours in the car with 3 or more kids, no air condition and 100+ temps. After trying it once, I decided that I would try my hardest not to put the kids or myself through that again. My goal was to drive down on Wednesday night and come home on Thursday morning. That would break up the driving and have us in the car during cooler parts of the day.

Early this morning I got up and loaded the three youngest kids in the car and we headed to Manvel to gather up the older two. Miles had swim practice yesterday and it was my girlfriend's birthday and I didn't want to miss out on celebrating with her - so I ended up bailing on my own goal of making the drive in two days instead of one.

By 11am this morning, we were sitting in momma's house, I was trying to cool off and I was already dreading the long drive home.

And then the phone rang.
It was Heather.
She was in the area for her grandma's funeral and her flight got canceled. She was calling to see if I was still around.
Well low and behold, one thing lead to another and she ended up in the car with me catching a ride to the Austin airport to make the 6pm flight back to stoopid Kansas!

Nothing makes a long hot drive better than having your sister friend in the car. I am not sure we stopped talking once. Somehow having your best friend with you makes it seem a little easier to deal with the three stops to pee and the one pee-pee accident. (yes, all the same kid.)

Somehow it seems that no matter how poorly I have managed to plan (or not plan), things always work out. If I had gotten to momma's Wednesday night, I would have left Manvel by 7am this morning. And I would have missed Heather.

Thank goodness I am so scattered.
I needed that girlfriend time today.

I am so thankful!

Cleaning House Makes Me Cry

2011-07-27T15:31:00.005-05:00

For the last 4 weeks, Ella and Sam have been spending 5 days a week in Manvel to help my mom. They have enjoyed hanging with her and living the slow country life.

Well, I got a wild hair yesterday and decided that I'd try to re-arrange their rooms before I pick them up tomorrow.

Around our house I have a reputation of making rooms look like a tsunami hit while in the process of cleaning.

I have stuff scattered everywhere. While pulling and piling, I don't pay much attention to what I am touching. I am just trying to get the junk outta the way so that I can move the big furniture.

So I am in Sam's room and I have begun putting things where they belong. I pick up a canvas from the pile and turn it over. I am not really sure what I am seeing at first - and then it hits me. It is me. A pencil drawing of me. A pencil drawing of me holding a baby that says Merry Christmas.

I kind of sit and look at it for a while. I am trying to figure out what the deal is. Do I tell him that I've seen it? Do I put it back under the bed? What do I do?!?!?!?!?!

Naturally, I can't let the dog lie - so I call him.

It turns out, he had paid a kid in one of his classes to draw this picture of me and Wyatt. He was going to give it to me for Christmas, but he wasn't pleased with the way that it turned out.

I try my hardest not to start bawling and squalling on the phone. I tell him thank you and that I love it. And then I hang up and sit in the room and cry for a good long while.

What a kind thing to do.
What a beautiful gesture.
What a thoughtful kid.

I really think that someday this kid is going to be a great husband to some sweet young lady.

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

2011-07-27T11:26:00.004-05:00

Our summer days are filled with swimming, reading, paint by number, finger knitting, a little sewing, some baking and of course, making pet rocks.

The pet rock has come a long way since we were making them in the 70's.
Wouldn't ya say?

The Look of Summer

2011-07-26T23:11:00.000-05:00

I sometimes wonder why we have such a terrible laundry problem. I know part of the reason is cause I kinda suck at doing laundry. Another part of the problem is that I kinda hate doing laundry. But there is a small part that isn't my fault.

It's cause we are in constant disguise mode in this joint. There is always at least one kid with a weeks worth of clothes on hiding from another kid who is probably mostly naked.

There is the constant pile of blankets and sheets on the living room floor. Every clothes pin, binder clip, chip clip and hair band can also be found on the living room floor. All of these items are in place (in a mess) so that forts can be built on a moments notice.

And the towels. There are towels and towels and towels...

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Call Me Crazy

2011-07-23T14:03:00.003-05:00

Our kids have been selling lots of lemonade this summer.

They make the lemonade from Country Time powder, load their stuff in the car and I drive them down to sit on the corner for hours.

Jena loves to do it and would sell every single day if I would let her.

All of this lemonade selling kinda makes us stick out like a sore thumb in the neighborhood.
(maybe i exagerrate a bit)

Our kids are the only kids that aren't selling and donating their profits to the homeless, the animal shelter, the save the schools campaign or the school library.

They are selling lemonade because they want money.

We don't give our kids allowance.

If they want money, they need to earn it.

When did it become wrong to work for your money?

I was pretending to be a customer at the lemonade stand this afternoon.
A lady asked the girls if it was fresh squeezed (um, no) and what they were raising money for.

Jena's answer - 'summer'.

Call me crazy, but is it so wrong for kids to pony up their own money for ice cream, sno beach, chewing gum and movies? And to sweat a little in the process.

We don't have grandparents that send us loads of birthday money. You aren't getting money for doing the jobs that you are suppose to be doing to contribute to our home. You aren't getting money for grades.

I guess our kids could say they are selling lemonade to help needy children.
It wouldn't be a lie.

One giant leap for mankind

2011-07-11T21:03:00.010-05:00

Can you even believe we will never see a Space Shuttle lift off ever ever again?

How will little boys and girls be able to dream about being astronauts if there are no America space ships taking off and heading into space?

It really bums me out.
I vividly remember watching the first Space Shuttle take off.
And now our kids will remember seeing the last Space Shuttle take off.
I just can't imagine that the American space program will now be paying the Russians to let us ride on their space ships.
I guess it is just another one of those things that we could have never dreamed possible when we were kids.

Kreutzer

2011-06-29T15:24:00.004-05:00

One of the things that I brought home with me from the Country Stampede was a feeling of sadness for a mom and dad that I have never even met.

Thursday night, Heather and I were getting dinner and we saw a flier about this kid, Jacob Kreutzer. He died last year at the Country Stampede. He was 19.

His parents handed out almost 30,000 fliers to folks attending the festival this year.

Click here for local news story about Jacob's parents quest to find information.

How do you send your grown kid to a music festival and handle the phone call that he was found dead?

How do you wake up every single morning not knowing how your kid died?

I don't understand how these things happen.

My heart hurts for these parents.

And I guess if I was them, I would be doing the same thing. Standing outside all day long handing out fliers with the simple hope that just one person would come forward and say that they knew something. Just one person.

Oh God, how I am so thankful for every single day that our kids are safe. That the kids in our village are safe.

Every.single.day.

NeighborFest

2011-06-28T09:51:00.004-05:00

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of flying to Kansas and going with Heather to all 4 days of the Country Stampede. What a great time! We talked and danced and ate and laughed and talked and cried and sang and talked and just had the very very best time!

One of my favorite parts of the festival was the people watching and getting to know our festival neighbors. We were in the VIP Section which has assigned seats, so for the most part, we were sitting by the same neighbors all four days.

Sitting right beside me was an fella named Luke. He is 81 years old. Been married for 56 years and has 5 kids. This was his 8th Country Stampede. He comes alone because his wife 'smoked for 60 years and never walked around the block, so her legs don't work so well anymore.'

Luke and I struck up a fast friendship. We had an instant camaraderie because we both have 5 kids - 3 boys and 2 girls. We talked quite a bit about our families. You could see that Luke was just as proud of his grown 40-50 year old kids as I am of our school age kids. We talked about raising the kids and he was so complimentary of his wife. He told me how he had worked a lot to provide for his family and of how his wife did most all of the parenting. At one point, he teared up and told me that he wasn't around enough for them when they were growing up and that he worries about it. When I asked to see a picture of his kids, he said he had left it in his planner. Sure enough, the next day he showed up and busted out a wallet size picture of his family. There was no doubt that this is one very proud dad with loads of love for his family.

The other incredible thing about Luke is that he LOVES country music. He knew every artist that was performing and the names the artists he had seen in the past. He also knew what he liked and didn't like. And let me tell you, he was not pleased at all by Tim McGraw only playing for 51 minutes a few years ago. He will be happy if McGraw never comes back to Country Stampede because 'you just don't treat people that way!' And he knew the names of the songs, the words to all the songs. And on the songs that he really loved, he was dancing and clapping!

It was such an honor to sit beside someone with so much heart. I believe that things happen for a reason, and we ended up neighbors with Luke as a reminder not to ever stop living.

It will dry.

2011-06-23T02:49:00.005-05:00

I guess I might be the only person in this entire area that was upset when I heard it rained last night.

Actually, my initial feeling was extreme joy. Thankful for the liquid gold that was falling from the sky. And then I looked out the kitchen window, and the joy disappeared.

I've been sick since Sunday evening. Like can't get out of bed sick. In that time, there was no news, no internet, no radio. I had no idea what day it was, much less that it was going to rain. If I had been able to watch the news, I could have made provisions for rain. And that would be to bring this inside.

(Doctor - Teacher - Artist - Business Executive - Chef - Astronaut - Fashion Designer - Firefighter - Ballerina - Pet Doctor)

You see, this is a very very special book to me. It is special because I can very clearly picture my sweet girls walking around holding it by the plastic handle with some sort of plastic high heeled shoes on. It is special to me because I know practically every word by heart because I have read it to all of our kids over and over again.

It is special to me because it is teaching our girls (and boys) that when they grown up, they can be anything...do anything.

And because of this...

(When you grow up to be a business executive, you'll need a fax machine.)

We bought this book when the oldest were babies. Pre-September 11. The Twin Towers were a place that kids could dream of working someday.

After the towers collapsed, I couldn't read this book to our kids for a while.

Of course, they know what happened. (Sam even has memories of that day.) And we talk about the tragedy. And the planes. And the innocent people. And what is inside the heart of such a terrible terrible person.

We read this book to Wyatt. And he can also grow-up to be anything he wants to be. And someday he will understand what happened to those Twin Towers. And will be told the same words that we tell all of our kids...

You can do ANYTHING you want in life.
Do not be afraid.
We will always love you.

And I guess he will join the chorus of our kids telling me...
Don't cry mom, cause the book will dry.

Days Later

2011-06-22T13:33:00.003-05:00

Well, I guess I figured out why I wasn't able to do more for the dang garage sale.

I guess I figured it out in a big way.

Sick.
Sick.
Sick.

Bad timing for being sick.

Very bad timing.

Good thing I had my big girl with me to hold my hand while I was getting a big fat shot in the butt.

Good think I had my big kids at home to take care of each other and the sweet baby while I was out of it for a few days.

I think I am almost alive again today.

I think.

Fingers crossed.

Cleaning House Clearing Head

2011-06-17T23:00:00.002-05:00

We had a garage sale today.
We are having it again tomorrow.
The trouble is, I am too tired to get out anymore stuff.
We have so much that can be sold.
We need every.single.penny. we can get.
I just can't do it anymore.
Ugh.

I hear that once you clear your house from the clutter, it helps begin the process of clearing your head. I'm gonna work on that.

Summer Goals
Love our kids.
Alone time with JC. (crazy, huh?)
Spend time with our family.
Spend time with our dear friends.
Clean house - clear head.
Write letters.
Encourage kids to write letters.
5 home cooked meals a week sitting at dinner table - all 7.
Begin putting kids pictures in photo albums.
Become a stronger swimmer.

Making this list was kinda like counting sheep. :)

It's Time

2011-06-17T00:37:00.002-05:00

I have been blog absent again. But I guess you figured that out.

Things have just been nuts around here. Seems like it is hard to find the time to put thoughts together.

I think a lot about things I want to post. And then I sit down to do it. At 2am. And then I realize that it is nuts and I should just try to sleep.

But now it is summer. And I am going to do my best. Because I like to blog. Because I like the life documentation. Because I have a lot to say. And because I learn a lot from myself when I sit down and write it down and then look at it the next day.

So here goes.
Can you even stand it?
Yeah, me either.

Driving Me Nuts

2011-04-26T15:15:00.004-05:00

(don't you just love the mailbox that my sweetie made me for Christmas)

Last week I was standing outside talking on the phone. It was around 9:30pm. The weirdest thing happened. A man drove up in a white Toyota pickup with a white camper. He sat in front of our house for a few minutes. Then he got out, walked over to the mailbox and hung a handful of paper towels from the mardi gras beads.

I called out 'hey there'.
No response.

I said 'can I help you'.
No response.

Then I said 'what are those for'.
Nothing.

I know he could hear me because I was off the phone and walking towards him up the stairs.

He got in his truck and drove away.

It is driving me nuts.
Who does stuff like that?

Jeff says to stop worrying about it.
I can't, it is driving me nuts.

Jeff says if I hadn't been out there to see it happen, I would never know because the paper towels would have probably blown away.

I think I saw the truck driving down the street today.
It was all I could do to not get in the car and chase after it.

It might be kinda hard to explain to the kids why I was screaming at them to get in the car and why we were chasing the white truck.

Besides, I am no good at conflict/confrontation.

Ugh.
Really paper towel dude.
Why did you do this to me?

(I kinda hope you step in an ant pile the next time you do this to someone.)

A little side project

2011-04-20T03:05:00.001-05:00

Enjoy.

Symmetry from Everynone on Vimeo.

24 strings and one noisy piece of junk

2011-04-04T17:56:00.005-05:00

(family guitar time)

For some, this is noise.

For me, this is one of the sounds I have been waiting for my whole life.

P.S. You might notice that the one with the noisy piece of junk is also eating a donut, drinking a milk cup and yelling at the dog while he practices!

the beach

2011-03-30T10:04:00.005-05:00

“The cure for anything is salt water -

sweat, tears, or the sea.”

~Isak Dinesen

(heaven)

I love my new blog header.
I was starting to feel like the old one looked cheesy.
I am worried that this one gives the sense that I am depressed.
Maybe I am.

We traveled visit Jeff's grandparents a few weeks ago. It was a bittersweet trip. Jeff's grandma was in the hospital (now in hospice) and the older kids verbalized what the grownups were thinking...this is the last time we come to Pensacola to visit our great grandparents.
Big thoughts.
Tough and sad feelings.

(great grandparents enjoy each other, the beach and watching the kids play.)

We had a great time on the beach. All 7 of us could stay on the beach for hours and hours and hours. The beach renews us. It takes us away. We can play. Rest. Laugh. Cry. Sit and take it all in. We will go back to Pensacola.
It is in our blood.
In the blood of our kids.
Pensacola will be the place that our kids tell stories about. Crazy long road trips, sandwiches, road side parks, and great grandparents.
The very best great grandparents.
And the beach.

(jeff jumps waves with a sleeping baby wyatt.)

Reagan's Blob

2011-03-28T12:26:00.011-05:00

I read a handful of mormon lady blogs.
I am not mormon - they are.
I am not stylish - they are.
I do not fix our home super cute - they do.
I do not fix beautiful meals and host beautiful dinner parties - they do.
And I can't help it.
I enjoy these gals and I am addicted to their blogs.

A few months ago, one of my favorite mormon ladies introduced me to a blogger named Reagan. And that began my addiction to Reagan's Blob. Reagan is a wife, mother, super stylish hair cutter. And I really love to read her blob. Her daugther Piper is sick and lives in a hospital. I often find myself thinking about Reagan and Piper. I want to be friends with them. Reagan inspires me. Reagan helps me to see things from a different perspective. Reagan give me tips to help me fix my hair.

Not so long ago, Jeff had a fancy work party that we had to attend. So I needed a fancy dress. I don't normally do fancy dresses. Or hairdo's. Or shoes. Hell, sometimes I even wear the same clothes for days in a row. When I was trying to figure out what I was going to wear, I thought of Reagan. She always looks so cute. I went to the Target and bought an outfit that I though Reagan would wear. I gotta say, it turned out better than I expected and I got a handful of compliments. I also watched one of Reagan's hair videos and figured out how to fix this hair. And that turned out pretty okay too. Man, I like that Reagan.

(jc's company hired a photographer.)
(we didn't know that she caught this moment.)
(i love the picture. i love our smiles. i love my shoes. i hate my belly. i hate my thighs.)
(but love the picture more.)

Reagan and her family are having a hard time right now. I don't know them, so I probably won't send them a thinking of you note through the email. But I am thinking of them and sure do hope Piper is okay.

Maybe someday I will be able to tell her that she inspired me to look cute for one night. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell her that the love for her husband and child inspires me too.
Oh this crazy blog land.
It is surely a trip.

Inside the Walls

2011-03-22T21:49:00.006-05:00

(before - only a shelter)

The house that we rent went on the market 19 days ago. There is a chance we will have to move again. Our landlord is being good to us and saying that if the house sells, we can move into one of his other properties. He and his wife have multiple properties in the neighborhood and they want to help us stay here.

I am trying to keep it in perspective.

I am trying to stop crying.

No matter where we are, we will be together.

No matter what the walls look like when we move in, we will fill them full of life and love.

I hate having to do this to the kids again.

I am so bummed.

Someday I will be marking the height of our kids on a wall.
Someday.

For now, I will keep going forward and remember not to lose sight of the things we have to be thankful for.

Maybe we will win the lotto soon and can buy this house before someone else snatches it up.
Fingers crossed.

(after - full of life and love)

20 + 1 + 3

2011-03-21T11:01:00.005-05:00

(hrlb captures our time)

20 years ago, we got married.
21 years ago + 3 days, we had our first kiss.

What is in a number? I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Here are some of the things in our number.

7331 days
20 years, 26 days
8 pregnancies

5 Carrs

9 houses
5 grandparents that have died
1 parent that died
2,460 miles driving the length of I10
19 states traveled
1 country visited (if mexico counts)
1 car on fire

7 Rush concerts
3 dogs
5 cats
8 cars

But what is really in a number?

I don't know. 20 years.

We have dishes to wash.

We have bills to pay.

And we have love.

We have clothes to wash.

We don't own a home.

Everyday there is some stress.

And we have love.

So far we have won.

We are beating the odds.

I have never been a person that wins at anything.
We have friendship.

We have trust.

We find humor.

And we have love.

I feel in my bones that we will be married forever.

I can't imagine this love going away.

20 is just a number.
And we still have love.

This Kid

2011-02-22T09:34:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I am pretty hard on this kid. This kid is the first one. The one that taught me about this love. The one that is the guinea pig.

I sometimes close my eyes and pretend that this kid is a baby again. I sometimes pretend that I am holding him.

I enjoy this kid. He is fun to talk to.

He is changing. Growing up. He is pretty serious and pretty thoughtful and pretty funny.

He had a project for school a few months ago. In his English class they were suppose to bring a book/a song/a piece of art that represented them or was something that meant something to them.

Like always, I didn't know about the project beforehand. This kid just does his stuff and we don't know about it most of the time.

He took the book I Love You Forever. I am not exactly sure what his oral presentation was, but I do know that his male teacher said that it was one of the most moving presentations he had ever heard.

Sometimes when I look at this kid I am overwhelmed with emotion and have to keep myself from crying.

I get the feeling that sometimes this kid wishes he could be held and rocked just one more time too.

I am so proud of this kid.

Snow Day

2011-02-06T10:24:00.003-06:00

We've had crazy weather around this place lately. Last Sunday it was almost 80 and we spent the whole day outside.

Friday morning it was 18 degrees and we had a good inch of snow. And we had a REAL snow day!

The kids were up by 5:30am. We really enjoyed playing in the snow in the dark while it was still and quiet outside. All of the snow was fresh. It was beautiful.

The kids all had a great time sledding down all of the big hills in the neighborhood. I had a great time watching them. It was fun to be out and walking around in the the snow with Jeff. Reminded me a lot of being younger and playing in the Lake Tahoe snow. Oh except it wasn't vacation or Lake Tahoe and there were loads of kids around this time.

Lots of snow was still around yesterday morning, but gone by the afternoon.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will snow again tomorrow. I'd love have a 4 day snow weekend with the two days in the middle warm and sunny!

You Wanna Fight?

2011-01-08T23:48:00.000-06:00

Tonight I am full of fret. I have been up for hours. Working, reading, talking, thinking, talking, reading. AISD has a Facilities Task Force that has made a recommendation to close our elementary school. It seems pretty darn serious. Most of the reasons they are citing are the reason we came to the school in the first place. (go figure)

It makes me feel sick.
If you know me, then you know we LOVE our school.
Sometimes I think I spend more time at the school than our kids. (ha.)
We love our principal.
I am having a hard time with the idea of our community being shuffled around.
We love our teachers.
I feel like Jeff and I have spent the last 7 years creatively finding ways to keep our kids in this school.

I have read more reports today than in the last 100 years.
I need friends in high places.

And I also know that no matter the outcome, the sky isn't falling and our kids will still have incredible opportunities to grow and learn.

Our Carr Family goals will still be met. Become kind, honest and productive members of society. (and always come home to momma.)

Even when I am trying to be a wise-acre, I am still feeling sick about the whole dang thing. Grrr...

Love Like That

2011-01-06T23:05:00.002-06:00

“the sun never says”, by the sufi poet, hafiz:

Even after all this time

the sun never says to the earth, “You owe Me.”

Look what happens with a love like that.

It lights the Whole Sky.

A friend posted this poem on her blog a couple of weeks ago.
It has stayed with me.
I LOVE love like that.

Train Days

2011-01-06T13:49:00.019-06:00

When the big kids started back to school, Wyatt had a very very hard time. He missed his buddies. He was all by himself ALL DAY LONG. So I started looking for things to do.

One Thursday in August, we went to ride the Zilker Park Zephyr. And it stuck. Thursdays became our train days.

(ALL ABOARD!!!)

On occasion we have a visitor.

Although, Baby Steve joins us more than any of our friends in real life.

But most of the time, it is just us. Me and my sweet baby Wyatt.

Sometimes we laugh and talk. Sometimes we feed the birds. But most of the time, we just hold each other and watch the world go by.

We've learned a lot on the train.

We've learned that sometimes the grown-up men need to sleep on the tables in the morning because they are really really tired. And sometimes, we have just eaten breakfast, but they are already cooking out for lunch.

We've learned that everyone smiles and waves when they see you coming on the train. Mostly we wave at children. Sometimes we feel bad because they can't be on the train with us. Especially if every seat on the train is empty except for the one we are sitting in.

Even the grumpy grown-ups that hafta stop their morning jog will crack a smile when they see us coming. And that is such a nice feeling. The grownups always spend so much time on the computers, plugged into the music and glued to the cellphones. But when we go past on the train, they always look up and wave and smile. Wow.

We've learned to be thankful for the man that plays his guitar every.single.Thursday for the kids on the train. We listen, watch, clap and even throw a dollar or two on weeks that we have a little extra.

If only everyone could take a ride on the train and see what we see.
Sometimes I wish everyday was a train day.

For the LOVE of Gabba

2010-12-13T02:25:00.005-06:00

It is funny how over the course of 14 years of children, TV programs come and go. Our older two kids loved the Teletubbies and Barney. Jena was over the moon for Dora. And Miles was mad about Max and Ruby. We were clueless about all of the new childrens shows on the tube when Wyatt came into our lives. One day, Jeff happened to turn the TV on to Yo Gabba Gabba. And that is all it took. Wyatt was sucked in. And before we knew it, so was the rest of our family.

Most of the time when we mention Yo Gabba Gabba to friends, they look at us like we are crazy. But there are a few friends with younger kids that are crazed for Gabba too. Gabba is like a cult. Once you start watching, you are hooked and you gravitate toward other Gabba lovers! And the thing about Gabba lovers is that they share the love.

We have been the lucky recipients of some great Gabba love. My girlfriend Shauna (yep, you got it - friends since Kinder. boo-ya!) sent Wyatt a BOX FULL of Gabba clothes that her son Grey had outgrown.

(Grey in one of his fab homemade Gabba shirts.)

Grey is the original Gabba fan. He was watching the show before there was merchandise and his awesome momma was making him homemade Gabba clothes.

(Grey hangin' out on the cover of People with DJ Lance and Jack Black.)

It is pretty safe to say that Wyatt has worn Gabba shirts non-stop for the last few months. The hand me downs from Grey have become his only acceptable clothing. We are so thankful that Shauna thought of us when sending such a special care package.

Then last week I was fretting about the fact that Yo Gabba Gabba Live was coming to our city and we opted not to pay the $50 per ticket to see the show. (Really, 2 weeks before Christmas you are gonna charge that crazy amount to attend a children's show?!?! Gah!)

I saw on facebook that my friend Sharon was also feeling the same frustration about the cost of the show. I commented on her status that we were in the same boat and went about my business of trying not to be bummed that Wyatt wasn't going to get to see the show.

And then out of the blue on Friday night, I got a call from Sharon that she had scored 4 FREE tickets to the show and they invited me and Wyatt to join them.

(Sharon and Daniel sportin' their rad DJ Lance glasses!)

OMG!! I thought I was gonna D.I.E. No way! Get out of town!

(Me and the happy boy just waitin' for the show to start!)

So Sharon and her sweet boy Daniel came over and picked us up and we were on our way.
Wyatt was thrilled. From the moment we walked into the performance center, he was busting with excitement!

(All smiles for these two awesome kids.)

As every character came on the stage, he was screaming their names! He danced and sang along and had the very very best time ever.

(There's a Party in MY City!)

What an incredibly kind thing for Sharon to do for our boy. He hasn't stopped talking about it all weekend. He has been wearing his DJ Lance paper glasses every single day. (Thank goodness I went back into the arena and picked up 4 more pairs from the floor.)

Thank you Shauna and Sharon for showing our boy so much Gabba love. We are so thankful for you both.

(Carr 5 rockin' it out DJ Lance style!)

Showing kindness to the people around you is such a gift. I just hope that I can do something nice for someone that crosses my path and make them feel as special as you have made us feel.
Really.

We All Make Choices

2010-11-26T16:09:00.002-06:00

I choose to be thakful.
Who needs a stinkin' 'N' anyhow?

I Think I Get It Now

2010-11-26T13:53:00.009-06:00

Seems like one of my holiday traditions is to have hurt feelings. I always manage to feel bad because we invite and invite and invite our family to spend the holidays with us and we always end up alone.

I understand that it can be hard to travel during the holidays. I understand that work and other obligations come first. (how could anyone/anything possibly come before our perfect family? ha!) We are normally chained to this area because JC is on call, so that means staying close to home.

For years JC has been telling me that it will all be okay because we are creating our own family traditions. JC hugs me and loves me and reassures me that when these kids grow up they will WANT to come home and be with us.

Yesterday after OUR family Thanksgiving dinner, I asked JC to take a picture of me and the kids. Without me knowing, he was clicking away while we were trying to get all set-up. What a beautiful surprise to find these pictures on the camera this morning.

I think I might get it now.

Looking Forward - Looking Backward

2010-11-24T03:29:00.002-06:00

I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner with all of our family around the table. The china, the goblets, the food, but most of all...OUR family.

Sure, someone will probably be upset about something. I am sure some of the food will be cold before it gets to the table. I've already been to the store 2 times to shop for ingredients, and realize now that I've forgotten the rolls both times.

And still, I am so excited.
I am so thankful.

2003. (Shirts optional.)

And I guess I should make sure that both of our girls wear a shirt.

The Tat's Outta the Bag

2010-11-23T03:50:00.006-06:00

A few weeks ago, Heather and Christy came to town to help me celebrate my big 4-0. Somehow, things took a turn for the crazy (no surprise), and we ended up at the tattoo parlour. Although I've been dreaming about my family tattoo for sometime, I wasn't planning to get new ink right now. Well, you know how it is when you are in a tattoo parlour with your bff's - you gotta get the ink!

So I did.

And I love it.

The kids all think it is pretty neat-o. Ella cried when she saw it because she thinks it is so beautiful. Jeff gave me his thumbs up too.

The tattoo guy thought I was crazy for putting the letters upside down. But this is how I want it because it is for me to see. Tatt guy also didn't see a need for the hearts. But they represent the pieces of my heart that broke when those babies didn't make it.

When I wear my watch, you can't even really see it. And I'm okay with that, because it is just for me.

Jeff, Kathy, Angel Baby, Sam
Ella, Jena, Miles, Angel Baby
Wyatt, Angel Baby

Plenty of room for more babies.

Plenty of room for grandkids.

You could say that I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve.

1,000 Words

2010-11-22T03:27:00.000-06:00

I am thankful for the love that these five kids share. Everyday so thankful.

We have been SO blessed.

Halloween

2010-11-03T16:02:00.005-05:00

Our kids had two costumes this year.

Because we are cool that way.

No, not really.

Because we needed a costume for a party and I had to do something fast and cheap.

(glo-family in light so that you can see the kids)

I had to bribe them to be the glo-family. It was a huge success. And after all of the bribing and begging, they won a costume contest and all really thought it was cool!

(glo-family in pitch dark so you can see the costumes)

Then for real live Halloween, we had three mummies, Carrie and a zombie soccer player.

(i'll never get tired of this)

The friends all gathered in our yard to set out for a big night of trick-or-treating.

(capturing this many candy hungry kids is close to a miracle)

As always, we had the annual candy swap after trick-or-treating. The candy was flying!

(louder than the stock market floor)

Once again, another great Halloween!

And only 24 days til we get our Christmas tree!! yahoo!!!

ns4fb today

2010-11-03T15:59:00.002-05:00

Today's 'not suitable for facebook' status:

Having a serious discussion with a friend the other day. He said 'if we were actually living like we are pretending to live, our life would be really great.'

Big thoughts. Very big thoughts.

These Hands

2010-10-22T10:51:00.005-05:00

All of my life, I have watched my momma work like a dog. She is getting close to 70, and still mows her 3 acres all by herself. When I was a kid, my brother and I would watch her work on our car if it was busted, tend to the animals, fix the things that were broken around the house, bust her hump in my grandparents garden and still manage to get dressed and ready for church/work on time. I have never heard my momma say that she cannot do something. Now that I think about it, it must be a Lockhart woman gene because my granny and my aunts are the very same way. If there is work to be done, they make it happen.

This morning, I took Sam to the bus stop around 6:20am and I noticed that the car seemed funny. Then I took Ella to her bus stop at 7:15am and something still didn't seem right. Jena and Miles normally walk to school with our neighbors, but since it was raining, I decided I would drive them all this morning. We loaded into the car, and something was still not right. So I had Jena get out and check for me, and sure enough, I had a flat front tire. Now I know that you are wondering how in the world I didn't notice it before. It was dark. And raining. And I was in a big fat rush. So I called our super duper good friend Ruth and she came and drove the younger kids so I could figure out what to do.

I found the air pump and decided that I would try to put air in the tire and take it to get it fixed. Well, naturally, when I tried to attached the compressor hose, the stem fell off. (geez.)

So I got out the big jack and pumped up the car. I started to take off the lug nuts when I remembered that you have to untighten them when the car isn't jacked up. So I had to let the car back down. (grrr...)

While I am working on the car, Wyatt is busy in the garage getting all of the tools out of the toolbox for me. It was about time for him to go to school, so I called our good friend Angee (Happy Birthday Angee) and asked her if Wyatt could ride with her. I am so thankful that she was able to come and take him for me. (whew)

After about 45 minutes, some tears and a small fit, I was finally able to get all of the lug nuts loose and the car jacked back up. Thank God Ruth and Angee were here to lift me up and cheer me through it. And that they don't judge me for acting so darn childish. (are tear streaks through grease on the face sexy?)

I was having a very difficult time getting the spare tire on. It seems that our jack doesn't go high enough. I called my Jeff who is working in Colorado this week, and he was pretty worried. I think he wanted me to stop messing with it. Luckily, after being married 19 years and 8 mos., he knows better than to tell me to stop doing something once I've got my mind set on it. (i think he is pretty darn hot.)

After trying and trying and not knowing how in the world I was going to get that darn tire on, I called Franklin. He is like a brother to me. And he is smart about these kinds of things. He told me to put the old tire back on. Let the jack down. And get some wood to put under the jack. (so thankful for my brutha from another mutha.)

So I did. And sure enough, I was able to get the old tire off, and the spare tire on. (woo hoo)

Waa laa! The new tire is on. It only took me about 2 hours. No blood. Some tears. And lots and lots of grunting. (wow)

Then I had to air the spare up because I let all of the air out of it when I was trying to figure out how to get it on because the jack wasn't high enough. (silly me.)

I can't wait to call my momma and tell her what I did. She is going to be so proud of me. (i love her)

And I am really really proud of my very dirty hands. Maybe I'll keep the grease under my fingernails for the weekend so that I'll have a little reminder that I can accomplish anything. ANYTHING. (feeling strong)

And I am just posting this picture for Jeff. See, I was even being safe and I put blocks in front of the other tires to keep the car from rolling off the driveway. (YAYE ME!!)

*****
Oh, and how 'bout that I finally figured out how to work the timer on the camera too!! YIPPEE!!

Perfect Timing

2010-10-21T15:35:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty frazzled lately. JC has been traveling a lot. We have been going non-stop. I've been trying not to be grumpy. I've been trying not to be short tempered. I've been trying not to sweat the small stuff. (stoopid dishes.)

And then today, on a blog that I love, came a most timely post that included this passage from Erma Bombeck. Oh Erma, you've hit the nail on the head again.

I needed this today.

No More Oatmeal Kisses — January 29, 1969
Erma Bombeck

A young mother writes: "I know you've written before about the empty-nest syndrome -- that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now, I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?"

OK.

One of these days, you'll shout, "Why don't you kids grow up and act your age!" And they will.

Or, "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do ... and don't slam the door!" And they won't.

You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy -- bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say out loud, "Now I want it to stay this way." And it will.

You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, "Now, there's a meal for company." And you'll eat it alone.

You'll say: "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?" And you'll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms. No more iron-on patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.

No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?" and the silence echoing, "I did."

What makes me so LUCKY?

2010-10-14T22:15:00.006-05:00

A friend asked me on Monday, WHAT MAKES YOU LUCKY?

I've been thinking about this. A lot.
There are the standard responses. My husband. My kids. My home. My health.
blah blah blah
I feel like people answer that question without gusto. Without full understanding. Without heart.
(cause you know, i know everything and i'm so perfect)
For me, this really is a loaded question.
I know that things could have turned out so so so differently.
I know that the love that I have is nothing short of a miracle.

I AM LUCKY.
I say it everyday.
EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

LUCKY ME!!

I am lucky because I know to make sure our kids know they are loved.

I am lucky because I really appreciate my person, my soul mate, life partner, lover and friend. And I am always thankful - even when i'm not.

I am lucky because I am trying hard to remind myself not to take people for granted.

I am lucky because I KNOW that the dishes don't come before the people.

I am lucky because I try hard to know the value of my friends and to let them know on a regular basis that I APPRECIATE THEM.

I am lucky, because if my life didn't start out the way that it did, I would never never know how lucky I am.

I know it in my heart.

I feel it oozing out of my pores.

I AM LUCKY.

ns4fbs

2010-10-07T13:50:00.005-05:00

My not suitable for facebook status for today: Just caught the sweet baby licking the plunger. Took it away from him and fussed at him. He is still crying for it 10 minutes later.

Makes a momma proud.

(Orginally sent to friends via text in mid-September.)

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2010-10-06T11:30:00.006-05:00

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it is that time!

The Austin City Limits Music Festival is upon us and I am so dang excited.

Our city is decorated with ACL billboards like ornaments on the Christmas tree.

And it makes me feel like at kid at Christmas.

I was out working on a school project with a few lady friends Monday night and all the ladies were talking about the festival this year. One of the gals mentioned this article that was in the newspaper.

I was laughing at myself this morning, because when I read the article yesterday, it kind of irritated me.

And then I had to remind myself that as long as their are women having babies and families raising children, there will be someone waiting to criticize them and offer a better way to do things.

I know lots of people roll their perfect eyes at the fact that we mostly take our kids to the festival all three days. Our general rule for all things during this time of our life is that we all roll together. We've got some common sense though. Last year when it was pouring, we let the Sweet Baby and Miles stay with our dear and trusted friend.

And the year before last, Wyatt was only a few weeks old and he was having a rocking good time at the festival.

And can you even imagine that when he was hungry, I fed him?

And you know, babies and kids need naps and those naps can only be taken at home.

And gosh, everyone knows it is just too loud for babies to attend a music festival. It is very very dangerous for their young ears.

And and there is NO WAY that a baby could actually have fun at one of these things.

We make a point to make sure that our kids are OUR responsibility and that they have great festival manners.

So for all of you out there that wanna poo-poo us for having an incredible time with our kids at one of the most outstanding festivals in the country, try thinking about your own festival manners.

I have seen way more adults act like idiots than kids. (And yes, I know that is a grown up choice.) But being drunk is never an excuse for having bad manners. NEVER. So when you are drunk and falling on me, I'll turn to my kids and remind them that YOU (not them) are the perfect example of bad manners.

And when you are SOBER and walking right across our blanket and knocking my $27 coke over, I'll turn to our kids and remind them that only assholes do idiot things like that without saying sorry.

So maybe the article should have said something along the lines of 'bring your kids and make them behave.' (What a concept.) And if you don't have control of your spoiled freak kid, then leave, or get a babysitter, or call grandma or whatever you need to do to keep the other 59,999 folks from being bothered by YOU. (And please notice that I put being bothered by YOU. Yes YOU. It is YOUR reponsibility to make sure that your kid does the right thing. NOT your child's responsibility.)

And if you are a grown-up acting a fool, you will be used as an example of how not to act when you are grown. See...ACL is actually a learning opportunity!!

And oh, I am still so so so excited!!! :)

Okay, I'll step off my box now.

NSFFBS #1

2010-10-05T12:07:00.007-05:00

(Correctly guess which one of these country folk sent me the message and you might win a prize!)

I often send my real life friends text messages with 'Not Suitable For FaceBook Status' updates. They are usually pretty funny, sometimes disgusting and always MY VIEW of the world around me.

Most of the time, I don't think these thoughts and observations are suitable for Facebook because I don't want to get involved in opinionated conversations with people I barely know that I have to be friends with on Facebook. And I certainly don't want my crazy Republican friends to have to cross paths with my crazy Democrat friends. Geez, it'd be like keeping the crazy drunk uncle away from the Bible thumping aunt.

So here is my NSFFBS for today:
******
I love old friends. Got a message from one today and it said:

'I hope you have registered to vote. And I hope I don't have to tell you who to vote for.'

Ah, I love my home people.

A Sunday Kind of Love

2010-10-03T12:34:00.006-05:00

I have spent the better part of the last coupla days complaining. Complaining because I am tired of waiting until payday. Complaining because I want the house to be cleaned. And complaining because stoopid sports has splooged into our Sunday and as a result, we have three games today. THREE GAMES. ON OUR SUNDAY. Say what? Say what say what?

I don't want to go to games on Sunday.

I don't want to eat the crappy groceries in the pantry.

I don't want to wash clothes.

Boy, am I am complainer, or what?

And then this morning, I realized it isn't all that bad.

Less than 24 hours til payday! WOO HOO!!

(Jeff working from home again. I guess things could be worse!)

I watched one of my favorite movies (The Family Stone) with the girls this morning. We had the windows open and were all laying on the couch just having the most perfect morning!

(Jena is a bathroom pro.)

Everyone has helped to do the house work and all of our primary living area are clean! Yippee!!

(It makes me so happy when Ella dusts for me.)

It is perfect weather to have all of the windows open!

(And this is how Ella picks up the toys behind the couch.)

The boys have been having a great morning playing together.

(Sam and Miles playing chest, while Wyatt looks on.)

And maybe this Sunday isn't so bad afterall.

(Another perfect day to enjoy a good book outside.)

I think I might actually enjoy sitting on the field in the perfect weather watching our kids have fun with their friends.

I just hope I have time to get a coke on the way.

If I Should Die

2010-09-29T21:50:00.007-05:00

(Monday morning sunrise by Ella)

Tonite the three oldest kids and I went to the funeral home to pay respects for one of our former neighbors. When we left the funeral home, we had the most incredible, passionate, thought provoking dialogue about life and death and families.

You see, our former neighbor Jenny passed away. Jenny was an older woman with a grown up son. Jenny and her son Michael lived two doors down and they both suffered from mental illness. We were neighbors for close to 10 years and came to have a very trusting relationship. Jenny and Michael weren't the sort of folks that you invited over for dinner or went garage sale-ing with. They kinda kept to themselves. They could easily be candidates for the hoarders show AND the pet hoarders show. But they were nice to us. And they watched out for us. And I knew that if there was ever ANYTHING I needed, Michael would help me.

The kids also had a nice relationship Michael. This man that could have easily been scary to the kids became someone that they knew and trusted and a part of our daily lives. And even though we aren't neighbors now, the kids still go out of their way to say hey to him at the grocery store and are concerned for his well being.

Over the years of being neighbors, we rarely saw Michael and his mom have company. There was very little sign of family trying to help them out. Life was very hard for Michael and his mom. We knew that there was another brother. But really, it seemed like they had little to no family or friends ever around.

The point of this is, Michael's mom died this past weekend. Our very very favorite neighbor of all times, Denise, called us today and told us. So we went to the funeral home for visitation and to pay our respects.

I left the funeral home sad and frustrated and bummed out. The funeral home visitation room was jammed packed with people. Probably 50 or more. We saw the most beautiful pictures of Jenny as a cute toddler, a sexy young woman and a glowing mother. The same woman that we have seen with uncombed hair, bad teeth, constantly wearing a housecoat. She was beautiful. You could see love and joy in her eyes in every single one of the photos. How did Jenny go from a beautiful young woman, daughter, mother to living as a recluse in her house with her grown son and 30+ cats? How do those things happen?

We learned that in addition to her two sons, Jenny also has a daughter. What?!? A daughter. A grown daughter that looks just like some regular lady and is a school teacher. Holy cow.

I was shocked. The kids were shocked. Neighbors for 10 years and we never knew she had a daughter. There were so so many questions as we were driving away.

Where did all of those people come from?
Where were all of those people the past 15 years?
Why didn't we know she had a daughter?
How can you all be here and dressed in your finest and laughing and talking around this casket when you never tried to help her and Michael when she was alive?

So so SO many questions.

Families are hard to explain. The things that grown-up people do to each other are hard to explain.

We all think we are doing the right thing at the time. And then years go past and we have regret. Loads and load of regret.

At first I was full of judgement. A ton of judgement.

But then I came to my senses and remembered that I have no business judging. Every single one of us has something. SOMETHING about our family that could easily be criticized by anyone looking in. I reminded myself that I could be at the funeral for my parents and people could wonder where I have been all of this time. Or that our parents could come to our funerals and the people in our day-to-day lives could wonder why they haven't been more a part of our lives.

We just don't know what is going on in another person's home. There is just no way to know.

So, I made a pinky promise with our kids that I would always love them. No matter what. ALWAYS LOVE FOREVER. And that I will always be here to take care of them if they need me. We are family. That is what OUR family does.

I made them pinky promise me that if I go nuts, they'd either build a padded room for me in the basement or they'd come and visit me in the special hospital.

I also gave the kids permission to call the hoarders program and to remove the 600 pets from our house when things go a little crazy in my old lady world. And I apologized in advance for all of the things I am going to do to screw up.

And then I reminded the kids of how important it is to tell people that you care. Don't be the person that shows up at the funeral home with nothing but regret.

I could have never guess when I opened my eyes this morning that this is how our day would end. I am glad for the opportunity to have this conversation with the kids though.

And I will go to sleep tonight knowing that I am trying my hardest to make sure the people that are my people know how much I care.

I do really care.

**********************
The pictures were taken by Ella on Monday and today. Most mornings she watches the sun rise above our beautiful city on her way to school and she LOVES it. And she loves taking pictures of it. These are for Denise, because she is discovering how much she loves to watch the day begin too.

(The sun comes up over our beautiful city this morning as seen through Ella's camera.)

The Power of a Dum Dum

2010-09-27T17:21:00.004-05:00

Sometimes when you are the youngest of 5, things can be hard. Like watching your siblings walk to school with their friends every morning.

Or watching your brothers and sisters gear up for a bike ride around the neighborhood.

And believing with all of your might that you can do it too.

And then they ride away from you, and your little legs can't catch up. And you just can't believe that they would actually leave you.

And then you tip over your tricycle and cry because you didn't have on a diaper and it really really hurt your hands and your private parts. (sorry no pictures of that, I was trying to soothe and calm both myself and the baby!)

So you come inside crying your eyeballs out and your mom realizes they only way to make this sadness go away is to give you a Dum Dum and turn on Yo Gabba Gabba.

And then you stop crying.
And when the first Dum Dum is gone, you cry again.
And before you know it, you have had three Dum Dums and your mommy has been able to wash some of the stoopid dishes. You know, the dishes that she put in a laundry basket and hid before the big 8 year old birthday party yesterday.

Oh the power of a Dum Dum.

Stink-a-Rama

2010-09-24T16:25:00.005-05:00

What you see here is our fool-proof method to keep away visitors, solicitors, and robbers. Yes, the smell coming from these shoes is enough to penetrate through the front door. DIS.GUST.ING. BARF.

Even the dog doesn't want to walk through the front door.

Breakfast of Champions...NOT.

2010-09-22T13:35:00.012-05:00

For a handful of years, I have been reading the NieNie Dialogues. Every Monday (I think), NieNie poses a question to her millions of followers and asks us to respond by making a blog post and linking on BlogHer. I have answered the BlogHer question a handful of times and have linked my response back to her BlogHer page on more than one occasion. (Cause I think it is fun.)

This was Monday's questions:
What did you eat for breakfast this morning?

And just like that, the can of worms was opened. Oh, I mean one of my many cans of worms was opened.

I have been thinking about his dumb question for the last 48 hours. Dumb question - why ya gonna go and make me examine myself? Grrrr....

So here is the answer, in big fat color for all of the world to see.

(Gallons of soda. I ain't proud.)

I use to take pride in the fact that I would get my morning coke as soon as I dropped the kids off at school. No harm, no foul - the kids don't know cause they are at school. Sadly, Sweet Baby Wyatt has been taking sips of my coke for as long as I can remember. Now when I go to get my morning coke, I usually get him an apple juice slushie.

And truthfully, the big kids aren't stoopid and they know that I should just go ahead and get a coke (ca-cola) IV. Terrible. I know.

You might wonder how I can afford this coke (ca-cola) addiction. Well, my FRIENDS at Sonic (yes, I go there enough that they know me) save survey receipts for me and they are good for one free Route 44. I rarely pay for this habit. Except for Tuesday and Thursday when I am buying the little one his slushie. And if I need to purchase a Sonic soda, I go in the afternoon during Happy Hour and get one for half price ($1.07).

Why can't I stop? No will-power, I suppose. I know that if I stop, I'm bound to lose some weight.
I have been rationalizing this problem by saying clever things like 'this is my coffee'. Everyone walks around with a Starbucks cup in their hand. How come the coffee folks aren't frowned upon like me carrying around this giant Route 44 Sonic coke?

And I was thinking about our parents. Kinda funny that I have no memory of the older generation walking around with a cup in their hand. Tons of parents take their kids to school with a coffee, water or other beverage in hand. When did we become this beverage obsessed world? Although I do remember the giant metal thermos with the small plastic cup lid. So maybe they were carrying around a drink all of the time and I just don't remember.

I have got to get a hold of myself and break myself free from the grip that the coke (ca-cola) has on me.

But how?
Is there enough Tylenol in the world to help me for when the terrible caffeine headache arrives? And should I plan to quit during PMS so that our family doesn't suffer a double dose of freak mommy in one month?

I guess I should just get a coke and think it over.

**********************

And you know what I remembered when I was in the school pick-up line just now? Back in the day, it wasn't uncommon for a mom to have a can of coke, smoke and Butterfinger for breakfast. Ya know, in the trailer park. Now that's a Texas lady for ya.

Oh, and how 'bout that Heather just sent me a text pointing out that kids didn't carry water bottles around all day either. I know that our kids don't go anywhere without one.

I think my grandpoppy would've thought I was crazy if I told him I was going to pay a few bucks for a coffee. He'd make fun of me if I came home with some sort of smoothie that I PAID money for. And I am certain that he'd never dream that I'd be buying 44ozs. of Coke-Cola at a time at the Sonic. My, my. How things change.

This About Sums It Up.

2010-09-21T19:26:00.004-05:00

For the last two weeks, Jena's 5th grade English Language Arts class has been learning about how to write an interview. Last week they even had a real reporter from our local newspaper come and talk to them and give them some tips.

Without me knowing, Jena chose to interview my very best sister friend in the whole wide world, Heather. So when Jena came and asked me for Heather's phone number, I was a little defensive - like 'why are you gonna be callin MY friend?' defensive. ha. (Jealous of a 10 year old is cool.)

So here is the interview. I hope you are able to see the love that we have for our Heather.
******************************

Heather Barthelme
I think it is so nice when people do something to help others. Heather Barthelme is a close family friend that I have known my whole life. Heather lives in Kansas along with her husband, Stephen Barthelme.

Stephen is in the United States Army, so Heather and Stephen have to live in Kansas right now. They were stationed in Kansas on August 10, 2009. Before that, they were stationed in Mannheim, Germany. They had to live in Germany for 3 years. It was a fun adventure to live in Germany, but it was hard for Heather to live so far away from her friends and family.

Heather said that she likes living in Kansas because it is closer to family and friends. She is also very happy it is in America.

Heather’s job is to help support families when a family member is deployed. Heather is called a Family Readiness Support Assistant (FRSA). An FRSA helps families to get use to how the military works when they are new to the military, are moved to a new post or have a family member deployed. The reason she chose to be an FRSA is because she was once a new military family that needed help. But her absolute favorite part about the job is seeing families be reunited.

Heather likes families. Before she was married, Heather was a foster parent. She took care of a baby boy for over two years before he was adopted by a new family. It was hard to see him go, but Heather was happy she got to love him and help him.

I hope that you have enjoyed learning about my great friend Heather Barthelme. The reason I chose to interview her is because I wanted you to read about someone that I love very much that has a very big heart and always helps the people around her.
By Jena Carr

No Recall on These Tears

2010-09-17T21:48:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I cried.

Yesterday I cried in front of a stranger.

Yesterday I cried the ugly cry in front of a stranger that was shocked and had no idea how to handle me.

Last weekend we started cleaning out the garage and we decided it was time to get rid of our baby crib. I knew it was time. I think Wyatt might have slept in it ONCE in his whole two years.

(Sweet Baby Wyatt - 1 month old)

We bought that crib about this time 14 years ago. All four of our big kids slept in that crib every single night until a new baby came along and kicked them out.

We have been saving it in case we have another baby.

(Jena - 5 months old)

We have been saving it in case our kids want to use it for their babies.

I listed it on craigslist last week. We only had one inquiry and it turned out to be a scammer.

So Wyatt and I took it to the resale shop just up the street.

(Wyatt helping to haul the crib into the store.)

I was shocked. Not only did they willingly give me a very nice check for both the crib and the less than two year old mattress, but they also pointed out that ours was one of the very few drop side cribs that isn't on the giant recall list. Wow wee!

So I get the darn crib unloaded. Carry the crib, the mattress and the baby into the store and the gal begins to write me a check. She wasn't really poking around, but it sure seemed to me like she was taking her own sweet time. Ya know, things kinda go in slow motion when you are trying to hold back the flood gates.

(Our crib has been put into a corner.)

Before she could sign the check, the water works started. The full on ugly cry. She tried to comfort me and remind me that the crib would really be helping a family that needs one. She signed her name quickly because she realized it was only going to get worse.

I drove away bawling my eyeballs out. Our crib is gone.

Maybe if she had tried to comfort me by telling me that I am taking the first important steps to not being on the Hoarders program I would have felt a little better.

********
Oh, and just cause we got rid of our crib doesn't mean that we won't welcome another baby. So if you are reading this and know me in real life, don't assume that another baby was an 'accident' or 'unplanned' or 'unwanted'. Cause if you do, I might just hafta punch you in the belly. Besides, if we are lucky enough to have #6, I'll most certainly never put him/her down.

CinderELLA, Hard Work Pays Off

2010-09-16T22:27:00.013-05:00

So you all know the story of Cinderella. Well, we have our own version. And I think you might enjoy it.

There once was a girl named CinderELLA. She wanted to go to the ball (try-out to be on her 7th grade volleyball team). She worked hard perfecting her dance moves beforehand. She was very nervous.

On the day that they were handing out ball tickets (try-out morning), 70 girls waited in line. She was certain that she wouldn't be one of the 20 chosen to dance (play on the "A" or "B" team). Sure enough, she was right. Many of the other girls had much more beautiful gowns (club volleyball girls) and were chosen to dance instead.

She was very sad.

CinderELLA heard that there would be a few more tickets handed out before the day of the ball. Everyone in village (mom/dad/sibs/teachers/friends) encouraged her and helped her prepare just incase she was asked to the ball.

CinderELLA worked very hard.

She tried her hardest to please her step-mother and step-father (coaches). She even wrote a one page essay on why she would like to serve her step-mother/step-father (not evil) and step-sisters (girls on the team).

So her step-mother allowed her to come to the ball (practice/games) as long as she was working hard (team manager).

CinderELLA arrived before the sun came up to begin her daily chores.

CinderELLA cleaned the floors.

CinderELLA provided the refreshments for her step-sisters.

CinderELLA picked up after all of the guest.

CinderELLA even made sure that all of the girls at the ball had a place to sit.

Well one morning, CinderELLA showed up early to serve her step-sisters and was called in for a talk with her step-mother/step-father. CinderELLA was very nervous.

Her step-father told her that she would be allowed to dance at the ball. CinderELLA's hard work was paying off. CinderELLA was very very happy. She felt proud of her accomplishment and was very very thankful.

Tonight was CinderELLA's first dance at the ball (game). All of the other girls had already been to two balls. CinderELLA was very nervous. The people in her village (mom/dad/siblings/friends) were very nervous for her too.

CinderELLA was thrilled to ride in the carriage with her step-sisters.

CinderELLA got to wear her beautiful dress (uniform) for the first time.

CinderELLA had the time of her life. She knows that she still needs to work hard on her dance moves (serving, etc.) but she smiled the whole time she was dancing because she was so thankful to have the opportunity to attend the ball.

The End.

P.S. And btw, these stinkin spandex shorts almost caused a war in our home. When Ella told us that she made the team and 'needed' the darn shorts, I said NO WAY and Jeff said YES WAY!!

Why in the world are these shorts allowed? They are SO inappropriate. (In my opinion.) Of course, I realized tonight that Jeff was right and if I didn't buy the shorts for her that she'd be THE ONLY girl out on the court learning a lesson in modesty. Maybe tonite wasn't the night for this 7th grade girl to hafta learn that lesson in public. And yes, I was probably the ONLY mom in Academy measuring the inseam of the make-us-look-naked shorts to make sure that I got the longest pair. I tried to buy her bike shorts, but the sales gal highly discouraged me. I guess she was right too!

Do You Really Want People to See That?

2010-09-14T08:14:00.007-05:00

This morning when Jeff was leaving for work, Wyatt and I followed him out. We normally do because Wyatt likes to wave at dad riding away on the little scooter. But I also had the car keys in my hand. Jeff asked what I was doing. I was going to the car to get the camera. He asked why. I told him that I was planning to make a blog post about how I hate doing the laundry and the dishes. He said 'do you really want people to see that mess?' ha.

I told him how a few lady blog friends write about making their nest comfortable for their kids. And how it gives them pleasure to serve their families.

Me, not so much.

Don't get me wrong. I like to have a nice home. I like for our kids to have what they need. And I want the kids to grown up remembering that they were well taken care of.

But I don't love washing clothes. I hate folding clothes. And I can think of a million things I'd rather do than wash the bazillions of dirty dishes that we have every day.

Funny how I don't mind keeping the porch clean. I like working outside and tending to the plants and the front of the house. I love walking up and having a clean and nice entryway. Just don't come inside. The mounds of dirty clothes and dishes my cause you to faint.

I feel very fortunate that I am able to mostly stay home. I feel like one lucky ducky to have this family. This home. This life.

I guess we all have some sort of job that we hate doing. Just so happens that the two jobs that I hate the most will never never never go away.

I guess I need to work on my attitude about these jobs.

Oh, and did ya notice my fall wreath? I keep thinking if I decorate for fall that maybe, just maybe, the temperture might drop from 97 to 91. Fingers crossed.

We're All Friends Here

2010-09-09T13:20:00.006-05:00

Last Friday night, we went out with our friends Amy and James to celebrate Amy's birthday. It was a perfect night to head to the Rattlesnake Inn in Florence, Texas. The weather was almost fall like, the beer was cold and one of our favorite Texas singer/songwriters, Max Stalling was performing. What a GREAT way to celebrate our friend being born.

Max played all of the favorites. We had a great time watching the college sorts be loud and stupid. We enjoyed watching the older couples dance and hold hands.

At the end of the show, we kinda of waited around. James had bought a couple of CDs and he wanted to get them signed. Max is a friend to James and his brother Thomas. They have even had Max out to play at our annual camping trip.

James was waiting in line behind a super cute and fun dancing couple that Amy and I had commented on earlier in the night. They were there with a large party. It almost seemed like it was some sort of family reunion. Well, naturally as the super cute dancing couple got to the front of the line, all of their people started joining them. Amy and I laughed as we watched the group grow larger. And then there was the picture taking. And the autograph signing. And then more introductions. And and now cousin Jill is here, so we should take one more picture.

The whole time, James is just standing there. I continued to make comments to Amy about it. I was growing more and more frustrated by the fact that those people had no regard for James and the fact that he (and all of the folks behind him) had been waiting in line too. All the while though, James doesn't seem to mind at all. This went on for a while (seemed like hours) and finally, James is up! Woo hoo.

So James is talking to Max and then he calls for Amy to come up and say hi too. So I get in line behind the last people. I am thinking since it is Amy's birthday, we should take a Max picture to go with the other 4 or 5 that we have. James is saying to Max 'you remember my wife Amy?' yes yes. And then somehow it comes up that we want to take a picture. Jeff gets the camera. They tell to me come on up. I say 'no no - we'll wait. I'm behind these people.' Those people say 'no, go on ahead' and then I say something assy like 'I watched all of those other people cut and I don't wanna be like them - we are good to wait.'

At that very moment I kinda felt like everyone was looking at me.

And then Max says, 'Come on up, let's take this picture. It's okay. We are all friends here.'

I've kinda been carrying that with me all week long.
What a great way to look at things.
Even though I am still kinda bugged by the whole disregard for the people behind you thing, he is so right.

We are all friends here.

Thanks Max for helping me to keep it all in perspective.

And if you are still with me here, then I think you should take a second to watch Max sing a coupla new songs that I really love.

The Mind

2010-09-07T22:34:00.008-05:00

(My kitchen nook with some of my favorite things.)

Remember when we were kids and there was the TV commercial for the United Negro College Fund and the slogan was "A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste"?

Well, I was thinking about that slogan as it pertains to our kids the other day.

(Hand cut by Joanie for my 38th birthday.)
(This one is a Phoenix, I think. I just noticed the little piece of paper fell off the back. Waa.)

One of the things I love most about summer is that I can see that the kids are not wasting their minds. That they do things that interest them. That they have the opportunity to try things that they wouldn't normally try when in the school house environment.

(Hand cut by Joanie for my 39th birthday.)
(A charm to provide good fortune in the four seasons.)
(And I don't know how to rotate the picture, so imagine it with the square on top.)

About a week before school started, I was finding little cut-up pieces of paper all over the house. Seems that Miles had decided he would be Edward Scissorhands. A few days later, while vacuuming the couch, I found a piece of red construction paper that was folded into a perfect rectangle.

I grabbed it up and was definitely a bit irritated. UGH! Another unfinished project or piece of trash that has been left here for me to pick up!!!

Well, I took a minute and unfolded it before I threw it away. Low and behold, it was beautiful. An incredible, beautiful creation! So shocking and stunning that I had to sit down and really study it.

Turns out, Miles did it. No book. No computer. No TV show telling him what to do. He had just been thinking about making paper designs like the ones that Grandma Joanie has given me for my last two birthdays. And then he sat down and started cutting.

And look at this master piece. I love it.
(Hand cut by Miles, 7 years old.)

Kinda makes me wonder what other things the kids are noticing around our house. And how the things that they see are inspiring them. And maybe, just maybe, bringing out a hidden talent, hidden skill or even an interest that we wouldn't otherwise know about. I'm not a paper cutter. (Or a line cutter for that matter. ha ha. Made myself laugh.) How or what would I ever teach them about this art?

The kids are constantly looking at their surroundings and taking it all in. Are we even aware of the impact that these surroundings are making on them? Do they feel the love that is shown on all of our walls? Love for family, love for friends, love for art?

It appears they do.

And I didn't even know.

Guess I should go get those piles of clothes off of the dining room floor now, huh?

(And P.S. - this is one of the things that I miss most about summer being over.)

Sparkling Emeralds

2010-08-31T08:35:00.010-05:00

I have never owned an emerald. But I did work at Emeralds once.

One of the most outstanding things about working at Emeralds was the girls. And boy-o-boy, it was a load of young girls living life and having fun.

I was one of the oldest employees (ha) and there were only two of us that had kids.

I loved hanging with all of those young girls. They were always trying to help me with the hip and trendy.

I am pleased to say that I am still friends with a handful of the girls that I worked with.

I feel very lucky that I have such a great relationship with Robyn and Jeri Lynn. Over the last 10 years, I feel like I have watched them grow up.

We worked in the backroom, they introduced me to Coldplay and the Gourds. I introduced them to spit-up and diapers.

They were the first girls that we ever let keep our kids.

The first diaper Robyn ever changed was for Miles and now she has two sweet babies of her own.

Robyn and Brent came to Sam's 4th birthday party and Brent taught him how to ride a skateboard. Isn't that something? A few years later, she became his beautiful bride.

When Robyn got married, Jeri Lynn danced with our girls. And now she dances with her own sweet baby.

If I could have our daughters grow up to be like anyone in the world, it would be these two young women. Full of love, optimism and a smile for everyone that passes their way. They were never afraid to take advantage of every opportunity that life had to offer. And when they love, they LOVE BIG. And I love that.

I also love that we still have them in our lives.

And that they are still sharing their life experiences with me and our kids.

Oh how lucky we are.

This past week we had a chance to play at the park with their kids.

We were also lucky enough to visit Jeri Lynn in the Austin studio of her jewelry company Herndon and Heald. (Yep - they are famous!) And can you believe that they really make all of that jewelry by hand. Melting every piece of metal to create those beautiful sparkles. Wow. Whew I grow up, I think I might pick up the Sundance catalog and buy myself a pair of their beautiful earrings!

And the kids and I also got visit with her fab husband, Ian, and see some of his mind blowing art up close. We spent about an hour in Ian's Austin studio learning about his art process and about the job of being an artist. Wouldn't it be great if we could hop on our jet and see his work first hand at Barry Friedman in NYC?

If only every child could be fortunate enough to have folks like Robyn, Jeri Lynn, Brent and Ian in their lives. I know we are thankful.

I know I am counting my lucky stars.

And I am so looking forward to making so many more memories together.

8, 7, 5, 2 and I GO MOMMA.

2010-08-24T11:06:00.004-05:00

(Carr 5.)

(6:30am.)

(Made some of them get up SUPER early to take this yearly shot.)

And so here we go. Another first day of school marked off the calendar. The kids were so excited. I am so so so bummed. I don't like it when school starts. I like for my people to be happily riding their bikes, flopping in the pool or just laying on the couch watching the Price is Right.

(8th grader and kid that thinks he is going.)

School makes me sad. I was texting with my friend IRL today and we were talking about how it seems unnatural to send your children away. Don't get me wrong, we love our very special little public school. We feel so fortunate to have our kids in a school that has 354 kids from K-6th grade.

(2nd grader and kid that is trying to sneak in.)

So SBW and I held each other yesterday. And today. I haven't done dishes. I haven't done laundry. We are just moping around waiting for the time to be right and the front door fly open.

(7th grader with sneaky little 2 year old.)

The good news is...they all had a GrEAt first day. Yes they did. And they loved seeing their friends. And they loved having Ding Dongs in their lunch boxes. And they loved coming home and resting on the couch while watching Cake Boss.

(5th grader and the brutha that thinks he is going with her.)

And how 'bout these sweet kids of ours.
2009
2008
2007

Hard to believe that we only have FOUR first days of school with Sam. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR.

Thankful every single day for this little guy. Cause we've got 16 more first days with him. Whew!

These Days

2010-07-31T21:24:00.003-05:00

Had a little squeeze time today. Ah, I love these squeezes.

Been cleaning house today. Of course, that means that the house is a bigger mess now. Good thing there is a pool to distract the kids from the mess inside. Hopefully when they grow up their summertime memories will be full of fun in the sun and not stepping over piles of junk.

I guess ya also figured out that I am addicted to hipstamatic. I am sure this addiction will pass soon. If not, there might need to be an intervention.

Goodwill for Goodwill

2010-07-30T02:51:00.001-05:00

Our girl is in her first TV commercial with her friends io and Sara. We think it is pretty darn cool. And we think you will too.

The Rain Came Down

2010-07-30T01:53:00.004-05:00

Yesterday it was raining. And my heart was breaking into a million trillion little tiny pieces.

Yesterday my Jeff took me to the hospital to have a little procedure to help my body complete the miscarriage process.

Yesterday I cried a lot. I am still crying.

The only thing I have ever wanted my whole entire life is to be a mom. I want to have a million and one (or 6) kids to love every single second. Of every single day.

A few months ago, we started talking about another baby. I say why not have 13 more.

Last Friday I was almost 12 weeks along. I went to the doctor and our sweet, 2 inch baby, had died. No more heartbeat. The heartbeat that we had seen 2 times before was gone.

I cried. And cried.

Ironically enough, this was the only baby that we ever actually tried for. Beautifully enough, it was due on Feb. 22 - the day before our 20 year anniversary.

We had already told the kids. They were so so so excited.

We love our family. Our kids love our family. Another baby is a blessing. More to love.

I screw up a lot of things - money, laundry, recipes, pool cleaning. But I don't screw up love. When I was a little girl, I would lay in bed with my eyes squeezed tight and I would remind myself that every single day I would love my kids with everything that I had. I even wrote letters to them. Thirteen year old me would tell them how much I loved them and that I WANTED them and that they would always always always be safe and always be loved. ALWAYS.

Losing this baby hurts just as much as the other two babies that we've lost.

Losing this baby makes me want to take the other five and not let them out of my sight for the rest of forever.

I know that it will all be okay. It was all okay the other times too.

I don't know if there will be more Carrkids. I think our five are pretty darn fantastic.

I know that we love them. I know that Jeff loves me. And I know that I have the family that I've always wanted. And even if we live on the street, we will be okay because we have each other.

Family.
Our family.

And it is okay to cry.

****************
And a little side note...I wrote this for me. Don't comment. I don't do well with sad puppy dog eyes or condolences or thinking of you messages. I am happy to pretend that everything is perfect all of the time. (I know I should prolly see someone for this.)

Girls

2010-05-09T23:10:00.005-05:00

I was watching Ella hang with her buddies this weekend. They would have moments where they acted like kids and played and ran around being silly. Then they'd have moments of maturity- talking with each other, showing compassion toward each other and just being so kind. I don't quite remember what it is like to be 12. That time of life was a little bit jumbled up for me.

I think that when we get to the end of this very strange time of going from being a girl to a young woman, she will come out on the other side and remember that through it all, I still love her.

I am proud of that girl. And I love her so much that it sometimes hurts. I will fight for her until I take my last breath.

I am so thankful to be her mom.

Can I Do This?

2010-03-24T22:57:00.003-05:00

This is the view from where I stand.

I stand at the kitchen sink a lot these days.

(Please don't confuse standing with washing dishes.)

The green makes me happy.

There are colors all around.

Looking out and knowing that it is warm out there.

All very very good things.

Maybe I've been hibernating because it was so cold outside.
Maybe I needed a little time and didn't know it.
My grandmother died.
Then it was holiday time.
Then we moved.
And now I am here.

I might be ready to come out again.
I think about this place a lot.

I just haven't been able to get my thoughts together.
I kinda want to though.

Can I do it?
Am I ready?
One thing I know for sure, I'll know tomorrow.

Here we are

2010-01-04T18:49:00.003-06:00

2010.

Here we are.

Today I am thinking of my friends. I am reminded of how thankful I am for my friends. My REAL friends. The friends that load up the homemade mashed potatoes with butter and salt and not a single one of us thinks it odd.

The friend that loves our kids when I am a crazy psycho mom during PMS. The friend that still loves me after the crazy pyscho mom episode even though I am a little nutty.

The friends that understand how sad I am because our kids are going back to school tomorrow.

The friends that know the story and still love us.

Oh the friends.
You know who you are.
I love you.

Reading and Writing

2009-11-22T21:19:00.003-06:00

I have SO much reading to do. SO SO SO much. I recently became a member of something. Funny that I can't remember what it is called for the life of me...hmmmm....

Anyhow, I responded to an 'ad' to be part of a blogger community. This will be a great opportunity for me to get to know more bloggers, for them to know me and for me to voice my opinion on topics of conversation started by my blogger friends and to also initiate conversation.

Boy-o-boy, little did they know when they allowed me to join! I'll have 'em all talking...hee hee hee!

So in the next few days, I'll have my head to the grind stone...er...computer screen. I am getting to know my new blog friends. They are getting to know me. I'll be linking with their sites. And I'll be inviting you to join my community.

Now if only I could remember what it is called...

Thank you cjane and thank you blog frog!

P.S. Wishing I was on the Pensacola Beach right now, hence the picture of our kids at the beach in March.

Lessons from a 7-11 Parking Lot

2009-11-20T16:32:00.005-06:00

Last Friday, I sat in the 7-11 parking lot for almost 2 hours. Yes, you read that right, 2 HOURS!!! No, I didn't run out of gas. No, I didn't lose the keys. No, I wasn't having a nervous breakdown.

You see, I was out running errands and the baby fell asleep. I needed to run into the little bill pay place next door to 7-11 to pay the light bill. Sure enough, in the two minutes it took me to get there, he fell fast asleep. So I watched the people walk in and out of the bill pay place until finally, there was no one in line. I jumped out of the car, locked the doors and ran inside. Yes, I could see the car and the baby the entire time. I was in and out in 2 seconds. I know some of you are probably freaking out right now - but I had to do it. He needed to sleep and I needed him to sleep. Once I got the bill paid, I ended up sitting in the car for another 1½ hours. I just didn't want to wake him up. If I came home and tried to bring him in, then he would wake up. If I went to another store parking lot, I'd be tempted to get out and finish running my errands. I didn't want to sit in the car in our driveway either, seems to me like that'd just be dumb. So I did, I sat in the 7-11 parking lot for 2 WHOLE HOURS.

I read a couple of old magazines. I watched people. I am amazed and intrigued by how many people use the Red Box. I am shocked at how many people still drive up to the old school blue mailbox and drop in letters. I stopped counting the number of Slurpees that walked out of the 7-11 when I got into the 50's. I think 7-11 must be making all of their money on Slurpees! Who knew!?!?!

A lot can be learned by watching people for a few hours at 7-11. I got a few hours of quiet and the baby got a much needed nap! It was win-win all the way around!

P.S. Funny how I pride myself in the fact that most nights we sit at the table and eat. Go figure that when I want to capture these family times on film, the gang gives me a good show!

One Month

2009-11-18T08:14:00.003-06:00

I haven't been around for exactly one month today. Holy cow. A lot has happened.

I will fill you in on all of the details soon. But first I've gotta share my new favorite picture taken by our awesome friend Whitney. She has a jazzy camera and I asked her to take pictures of the SBW with his soccer field dog friend, Bruno. In the process she got this shot, and I LOVE IT!!! Thank you Whitney, you are the bomb.

I'll be back soon. Keep checking in! You are gonna love what I have to say. Well, maybe not love, but you know what I mean!

Pumpkin Time

2009-10-18T21:14:00.002-05:00

I took the kids to get our pumpkins last week.

As always, they had a great time walking through the rows and rows of pumpkins trying to pick out just the right one.

We were glad to see that our favorite pumpkin patch is still full of crazy Halloween decorations. I asked the older couple that owns the business how many batteries they go through each Halloween and was shocked to hear they spend over $600 on battieries alone. Wow! They also said they buy 5,000 lollipops and 10,000 Smarties. And wow and wow.

We are always happy to visit the giant talking jack-o-lantern. All of our big kids visited this pumpkin patch for a field trip when they were in kindergarten. It is kind of a family tradition now.

Not only did we get a great pumpkin, but I think Santa got a Christmas idea.

I had a great time watching the kids enjoy the hay maze. When they were little the would run through the maze, now they run on top of the maze! :)

I love this time of year!

I Have

2009-10-18T13:34:00.004-05:00

I have a husband that loves me and accepts me even though I am not perfect. I am so thankful.

I have children that fill my heart with love and teach me how to be a better person every single day. I am so thankful.

I have parents who love me. I am so thankful.

I have grandparents that loved me as if I was their own child. I am so thankful.

I have a birth mother that is accepting of me even though I am imperfect. I am so thankful.

I have a brother who is always willing and able to fill in the blank spots of our childhood. I am so thankful.

I have a family of in laws that accepts my nuttiness and love me because I love their son with all of my heart. I am so thankful.

I have a best friend that is family and loves me unconditionally. I am so thankful.

I have a friend that loves her God, her husband and her sons and is a role model for me everyday. I am so thankful.

I have a friend that believes differently than me and gives me great comfort because I know she prays for me. I am so thankful.

I have a neighbor that always wears lipstick no matter what the occasion. (And it makes me smile.) I am so thankful.

I have girl cousins that send me sweet notes and remind me that despite the rocky road that I started on, I turned out okay. I am so thankful.

I have a group of mom friends that laugh with me and cry with me and never ever judge me. I am so thankful.

I have a group of childhood friends that know the real meaning of friendship and would drop what they are doing right now to come to me if I needed them. I am so thankful.

**************
I have had a tough weekend full of doubt and hurt. Instead of focusing on the person that causes the pain and trying to understand why, I am going to look forward and remind myself on a minute by minute basis of the people that I have in my life. I am going to protect my family and my children with everything that I have. I am going to love my people with all of my heart. I am going to admit when I make mistakes. I am going to love.

That's all I can do.

Freaky

2009-10-16T08:07:00.003-05:00

The birds are back. And I am sure they are watching me.

I never really saw many movies when I was a kid. We barely ever went to the theatre and there was no such thing as a VCR at the time. Popeye, Star Wars, Smokey and the Bandit and Airplane - those are the movies that have remained in my childhood vault. I certainly never saw a horror movie as a child and have barely seen a scarey movie as a grown-up.

So I don't know why these birds freak me out so much. They are everywhere. In every shopping center tree. On all of the power lines down the freeway. I start to get the feeling like I need to get out of the car and run as fast as possible into the store. Oh yeah, except for the fact that I've got to get 5 kids out of the car and one of them needs to be released from his carseat.

The kids and I sat in the car watching the birds for quite a long time the other day. It is like they are playing games, hopping from one tree to another and then over to hang out on the line. I know they are communicating. I think they are actually laughing and playing tricks on me cause they can tell that I am a little freaked out.

P.S. About Airplane, I was 10ish and my brother was 12ish. He BEGGED to go and see it. BEGGED!!!! My parents finally gave in. We went to the theatre as a family. My mom and dad had no idea that there would be nudity. I can remember seeing the naked chest bouncing across the screen and the look on my mom's face. I can remember it like it was yesterday. But I don't remember if we got to stay for the whole movie. Isn't that weird.

I am ashamed

2009-10-13T20:05:00.003-05:00

I've decided tonight that I have a new thing that I need to work on. A new thing at the top of the very very very long list of things I need to try and improve. You know things like attitude, eating habits, housekeeping and sarcasm. The sarcastic thing is SO not becoming and yet I am filled with sarcasm almost as soon as I open my eyes each morning.

Anyhoo, my new thing is I've gotta work on being nice. Oh, I should clarify...being nice to people that I don't like. I don't have a long list of people that I don't like. Actually, I can really only think of one or two people.

But good God, I can't drop it. There is a person that I am in social interaction with on a regular basis - three times a week at a minimum. Ya know, it is that kids the same age in the same school doing the same activities kind of thing. This mom drives me up a wall. It has gotten so bad that even her voice bugs me. I will walk and pace on the sidelines of the wrong field away from my child's sporting event to not be near this mom. She sends know-it-all emails. Her kids are bossy. She is the person that flies a banner when she does something great, it's her birthday, she's gone out of her way to help her friend or her dog took a crap. It drives me flat out nuts.

I avoid emails from the person. I have over 400 unread messages right now. (I should be embarrassed to admit it, but alas - it is my life.) Most of the unread messages are truly because I don't know where to start and can't seem to get past the feeling of being overwhelmed by the whole scene. Hers, I flat out don't open.

I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way. Our kids know how I feel. I tell them that not everyone can get along all of the time.

I need to work on this. Why am I such an asshole. I need to be kind and show this person love. Maybe that is what she needs. Or maybe that is what I need. I recognize that this is my problem. I think she is mostly unaware of the extend of my dislike.

I need to get down on my knees and find it in my heart to love even the people that I don't love.

I don't want enemies.

I don't want to feel full of negativity every single time I see this person.

But how do I get to that place?

I just don't even know...

Family Fun

2009-10-11T22:40:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, I took the four older kids to an Adidas soccer clinic. I was really pleased with how many new skill building tools the kids took away from the clinic. I was also pleased with the fact that three of them knew no one at the clinic, but they still got in there and participated. I am proud of Sam too because he was in with the teenage group where all of the kids were twice his size, but he didn't back down. I can feel that growth spurt coming soon for him. I just know that I am going to blink my eyes soon and find that he has turned into a young man. Let's just hope I don't cry about it and embarrass him too much!

Did I tell you that we once again have a 7 year old. How in the world did my sweet little one grow up so fast? He is changing a lot too. He looks bigger. He is very helpful and loves loves loves to learn. We were talking today about how we wish tomorrow could be a stay at home day. "Not me" he says, "I like school."

There are many many things that I love about my Jeff. Every single day he makes me smile and I have more and more reason to be thankful for him.

I really love that he loves our daughters and is not afraid to show them what a good husband and a good dad looks like. I love that he is not afraid to two-step with them when we go out honky-tonkin'. I also love that he shows our sons that it is okay to get up and take your girl for a spin around the dance floor.

And I love that he is willing to carry the sleeping baby during the long walk back to the car after he has been dancing all night! :)

Oh, and here is our sweet Oreo. Man, I forgot how much a kitten uses the kitty box. Geez, we hafta clean it every.single.day! But it's okay though, cause we love him to death!

Toes

2009-10-10T14:16:00.006-05:00

This morning I woke up and was glad to be cold. What a surprise. While my heart loves the summer and all it brings, I am strangely looking forward to the cold. I am looking forward to being inside with my family. I am excited to cook and serve meals that warm not just the belly, but also the heart.

I am excited to hunker down. I am excited to smell the cinnamon candles burning in our home. I am looking forward to the quiet and still of winter.

Now I've just got to find my fuzzy socks.

ACL Mud Rash

2009-10-08T13:48:00.005-05:00

Okay - I am only doing this because my Jeff wants me to. I actually think it is kind of gross. Here are some pictures of my ACL Mud Rash.

Yes, we were at ACL all three days.

Yes, I was covered in mud.

Yes, I have the 'ACL Mud Rash'.

Yes, we had the time of our lives and will go back next year!

No, I am not suing C3 Presents or the City of Austin. Although, a couple of three day passes for next year could make my eye hurt a little less.

P.S. How 'bout that I am getting a ton of hits on my blog cause of this stinkin' rash. Woo hoo.

MeMaw

2009-10-07T22:28:00.003-05:00

Today I was at the doctor's office to have my ACL mud rash checked out. The nurse and I had friendly conversation while she was taking my vitals. When she started to walk out the door she inquired about the age of my grandson.

Come on. Really?

And P.S. Please excuse my muddy man hands. I just love the picture more than I hate the hands. I'm sure you understand.

Almost Famous

2009-10-06T22:59:00.009-05:00

We went to the Austin City Limits Music Festival again this year. I've got tons to post and a gazillion picture to go through, but I thought I'd give you a little peek into our Sunday excitement.

Once again, the kids made the best of a very muddy situation. And then they became almost famous because of it. While we were watching Raul Malo play at the Austin Ventures stage, the kids got out the beach ball and started playing mud soccer.
Before we knew it, there was a crowd of festival goers gathering and lots of people asking if they could take pictures of the kids.

Once Raul Malo finished his incredible set, we made our way through the mud and over to the Dell Stage to see Sam and Lake's favorite, Michael Franti and Spearhead. Boy-o-boy, what a show. And what a crowd of professional photographers gathered around our kids.
It was crazy. I was starting to wonder if Brad Pitt was standing behind us or something.

I love that our girls are willing to get down and dirty and have a good time with the boys!

Once that show was over, we got some water and helped the kids wash the mud off of their faces. Sam had so much mud covering him that even his teeth were brown. Ick.

I've gotta say that I think Sam, Lake and Alex are pretty darn cute, even when they are covered in mud!

And the very very best part of the whole situation is that we were given another beautiful example of the kindness of strangers. I started going through our pictures yesterday and was really bummed out to see that I didn't have one single shot of the kids hanging over the front rail at the Michael Franti show. And then I realized that a lot of my mud pictures didn't turn out so great because there was a bit of mud on the lens. (go figure) So after much internal debate, I decided to go out on a limb and email a couple of the folks that gave me business cards when they were taking the mud photos. Well, lo and behold, I received a reply message today from my new buddy Karen, the Digital Executive Producer of KXAN here in Austin. Can you even believe that she took time out of her busy day to send me a few really incredible pictures?!?! I mean with a job title like that, she must be super duper busy - and she still sent us the pictures. I am so so so thankful. What a kind and special person she is. (Thank you SO much Karen.)

So here are a few of the pictures that I received from my new friend Karen with the swanky business title who works for KXAN the NBC Affiliate here in Austin.

Photo credit:
Super talented memory saver for taking pictures of my kids in the mud: Charlie L. Harper III, photographer

One of the nicest people ever for sending a mud tired momma some great pictures: Karen Brooks, Digital Executive Producer KXAN.com

Oh, and you can also find a picture of our muddy kids on the Michael Franti and Spearhead flicker page by clicking here. And did I remember to tell you that the muddy kids got to get up on stage with Michael Franti and dance and sing in front of thousands of people. Yep, they sure did. And nope, I don't have a single picture of it.

Oh, and you can also see a few photos of our Ella singing at ACL with the Barton Hills/Palm School choir here.

The Reason

2009-10-05T12:13:00.002-05:00

I went to the grocery store this morning and can now provide proof of why it doesn't work for me to grocery shop with sleepy eyes, a cloudy head and no list.

Items purchased
3 containers of Spic and Span car cleaners (on sale for $0.75)
3 loaves of bread
2 boxes of instant oatmeal
2 boxes of taco shells
4 packages of McCormicks taco seasoning
3 packages of goldfish
1 jug of apple juice
1 newspaper

Now how in the world am I gonna feed 7 hungry mouths with that???

Although we need groceries, I am happy in my ACL haze. Ahhhh...

Oreo

2009-09-30T22:07:00.002-05:00

My head is full. I've been bouncing all over the place lately with my thoughts. There are times where it feels like my chest will break into a million little teenie tiny pieces if anyone accidentally bumps into me.

I am happy. I feel so loved. I feel like loving so much. Oh these babies. I want to just eat them up. Every single one of them, dirty fingernails and all.

I was driving down the road yesterday and I had a rare moment where a memory from my childhood came rushing into my head. I don't know what the trigger was. Before I knew it, I was in traffic on Lamar crying my eyeballs out. It is a strange thing, our mind.

We have an outstanding new music teacher at our school. He has the kids truly interested in music. This afternoon, I was watching YouTube videos with #2 and #4 - Elvis, Beach Boys, Ella Fitzgerald, Miles Davis, Beatles, Louis Armstrong. We were talking about Elvis and watching him perform in the 'old days' - as the kids like to say. I asked #4 if he remembered a certain song from Lilo and Stitch. He didn't know what I was talking about. It is sad to me that #4 can't remember seeing a lot of the movies that are huge memories for the other kids. When the first four were under 5, we had movie night every Friday after playing at the park. We'd watch all of the kid movies - Dumbo, Jungle Book, Little Mermaid, Toy Story, Lilo and Stitch. It is such a bummer he doesn't remember those sweet sweet times with four under five. So we watched Lilo and Stitch tonight. I think he liked it. I think he really really liked it. It was nice to all be in the living room having that time.

Maybe it was really nice because our bellies were full. I made pork chops, mashed potatoes (from scratch), green beans, corn and super flat rolls. Ugh. I let them rise for almost 4 hours and then they dropped when I put them in the oven. Oh well, they were really yummy flat rolls. :)

In addition to being worried about my own stupid crapola, I've also been worried about my friends. I think a lot about my friends in the middle of the night. I wonder where their hearts are. I hope they know they are loved.

I've also decided that I am done with grown-up problems. I am not done with the grown-ups or listening to the problems, but I just think that sometimes being a grown-up really really stinks. This is a brief list of what is happening to some of the people that we care about - friends getting a divorce, friend having an affair, friend that is trying to come out to the kids, and friend with a serious alcohol problem. One of my very best friends in the whole wide world was battered by her soon to be ex-husband last weekend - oh and that is different than the divorcing friends that I mentioned above. I can't completely let myself think about her being hit by someone that she loved. I can't completely let myself think about the fact that her child was there when it happened. I can't understand why a grown-up would be such a coward and so stupid. I can't let myself go back to the place where I am the child watching the abuse. I just can't.

I received an email that moved me this week. I haven't yet responded. I guess that is another thing to put on the list of things I can't do right now. It was hard to read, but it was good to read. I need to read it really really fast or else the tears take over and I will melt into a pool on the desk. Oh what facebook can do. Oh how I love my cousin. I mean really really love her. Thank you Vivian. I am working on being able to really really hear things from our past. I am taking baby steps, but they are steps.

***************************************
Vivian sent you a message.

--------------------
Subject: My First Memory of You

I did not want to share this with everyone. I remember this little toddler girl brought into my grandparents house with burn scars & hurt written in her eyes. Tia Jackie & Tio Manuel said this is our new daughter. I smiled at you, held my arms out to you & you fell into my arms & wrapped yours around me tight. I have always thought of you as special since then. We may not have communicated throughout the years but as long as I know you are still out there, my world is a better place.
Love you,
Viv
****************************************

Oh and on the list of things that I can do, LOOOOVVVVEEEE my husband, LLLOOOOVVVVEEEEEE my kids, be a FRIEND and take my kids to happy hour at Sonic. So there list of crummy things that I can't do - I am winning!

P.S. Oreo is the name of our new kitty.

Without Thinking

2009-09-23T21:52:00.003-05:00

I did it.

I REALLY did it this time.

I was checking out the old facebook page tonight and noticed that our good friend had a stray kitten hanging in her garage.

At that very moment I sent her a message and within 10 minutes that kitten became ours.

I didn't ask JC.

I didn't talk to the kids.

I just did it.

I know it was a rash decision. and.i.don't.care!!!!!

We can't have a catless house. I can't STAND a catless house.

JC just smiled when I walked through the door. It was a half smile that can only be given by a man that has been married to me for almost 19 years and knows that I am sometimes a little bit nutty. (to say the least)

The boys woke up and were excited.

The girls don't know yet. Tomorrow morning when they have bed heads and sleepy eyes they will get a sweet surprise.

I am excited.

Fingers crossed that he uses the litter box that I just made for him. I can't wait until we can give him a name tomorrow.

I can't wait until he lays on my head while I am trying to sleep.

Welcome home kitty, I am looking forward to spending the next 15 years with you!

The Eyes

2009-09-22T10:49:00.003-05:00

The other night I was up in the middle of the night. I walked into the kitchen and this is what I saw.

It kinda freaked me out at first.

Then it just made me sad.

The kids are still visiting his grave regularly.

#1 has made his picture the wallpaper on both of the computers.

We were so lucky to have such a sweet kitty for such a long time.

Flying High

2009-09-21T08:35:00.004-05:00

Well, a handful of you have commented regarding the whereabouts of SBW in the Lucky JUMP picture!

He was there with us. But he was too busy running around to be bothered with trying to do a synchronized jump for a picture. Besides, he likes to spend his time flying high with his super fun dad.

Seems like he can laugh for hours and hours when dad is throwing him in the air. Seems like we never get tired of hearing it.

And this is a shot of how cute a 13 month old can be after hanging out at the soccer fields all day on Saturday. There wasn't a dirt free spot on his sweet little body!

I think these picture didn't turn out too shabby with our broken cheap camera. Maybe I should sign up for one of those jazzy photography classes too!